Single on a Week Day

So my daytime holiday drinking buddy went away and left me to my own devices. Of course that means I get to partake in my favourite pastime of drinking alone. On Tuesday, I decided to go some place new-a local brewpub. Ok so I won't say the place, but if you read my twitter you might figure it out. Now, I've decided to analyze it from the single traveller point of view- kinda like a spy on Bar Rescue...heehee.

I walked in and was not acknowledged- yes it was busy, but a simple 'I'll be right with you' would work. I asked if I could just sit at the bar as one of the servers passed me by. At the bar area, there was no atmosphere...one small tv and a list of beers to read.... plus no social interaction from bartenders. Not a good scene to hit as a single. Even though my beer and mac n cheese were delicious, I'll most likely not go back.  I just think that hospitality is about treating the customer as though you are interested in their business and want to have them back. I did not feel that there, so perhaps I'm not the clientele they want.

Here are a few things to build your social skills behind the bar..
1.Ask relevant/stimulating questions: what brings you here, how you enjoying the flight, how's the trip going?..
2. Be sincere. Bartending is a people business, acting like you are too good for customers leaves you without any.
3. Take note of the crowd: see who is alone, see who had a birth day, be aware of the first dates, observe and upsell or suggest or chitchat appropriately,
4. And if you are a brew house...have your brew lines in stock for sale!!!

Why do this job if you're not going to do it right! (plus tips are better if you're attentive)

Sex on a first date

Someone sent this across my way:

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

Awesome article!! The main thing to take in is that if you are sacrificing having sex with someone for the sake of looking pure then you might be wasting your time. I read "The Rules" and even attempted to follow them, but I could not. I cannot be that lady.

Sex itself is a healthy thing for the body. It hopefully leads to an orgasm or a rush of body chemicals the ends up with you feeling elated and tired. Assuming it goes well and there aren't any medical/other issues involved.

If you want technical reasons then look up these lovely chemicals:
Oxytocin: This is a hormone that the body releases during orgasm. This releases endorphins and brings a sense of elation to the body. It makes you happy.
Prolactin: A hormone mainly linked to lactation (breast feeding)
Dopamine: Another (blessed) side effect of orgasm, dopamine is a hormone released 

Of course there is the emotional side of things. The skin to skin contact can be comforting and being with someone might make you feel closer to them (or just feel good for the sake of feeling good).

All of these things are not great excuses for pressuring someone to have sex on a first date...they are just positive rationalizations. Now.... things can get iffy.

Some people see sex as a way to solidify a relationship. Sex on a first date is probably not a good idea in this situation. The first date may be the last and the sex was not intended as a connection. Then there are those who have sex addictions- a real issue. This might cause someone to have sex on a first date for no reason and then feel like shit afterwards. That is also a bad idea. There are also people that have difficulty coming to orgasm or have pain during sex (such as vaginismus). Also hard times for sex on a first date. These situations require a lot more from a partner than a quick meeting can provide.

Overall, sex on a first date can be great thing, but should not bea pressure. Do what what you're most comfortable with and do it safely.....and if you like it--do it often.


Sources:
Cool article in Chatelaine (and there is mention of Beverly Whipple, an awesome sexual scientist): http://www.chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/more-sex-is-the-secret-to-a-longer-healthier-life/
Video:http://youtu.be/sSOFtSG6nDo

Single on a Saturday: Putting the pennies to use

So a friend of mine posted a very awesome slogan on facebook: 'In my old age I have decided that I'd rather surround myself with a few great people- I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.' I cannot stress how true this is. At 35 I look back at my "friends" and see what I have. Too many pennies. Way too many pennies. This is the problem with getting old- you see the amount of users in your life but are afraid that they are the only ones that will be there for the rest of this time so you stick with them.

I say fuck that. You can make friends in my many ways to meet your many needs. I might have discussed my man for all seasons concept. ..hmmm...looking back I did not. So that will be another edition.

Let's talk friends for all season. These are the people that are really just pennies. They will never be quarters because they are not good friends- just fine acquaintances. They will always be pennies.

They are the ones that make fun of you for being different, judge you for enjoying your life, put you down for working too much, stop talking to you when they get a boyfriend but always want you to be on their command. They make up shit to get out of hanging with you- no money, no time, was there yesterday...bullshit. All of these are excuses- if at 35 you have no money, get another job; if you have no time, manage it better; if you were there yesterday- you can go fuck yourself since you obviously did not invite me....pennies.

If its all about building personal connections- why have these people in your life? They are a seasonal need. Odds are that person saying they don't have money is full of shit. They will call you to go shopping because that is what they enjoy. Do it. Go shopping. That is what they are useful for. Do not put them on the list for trips, or galas. They will say they cannot afford that, but when you need an expensive shopping trip or cross border experience, they will be down. That is their season.

What about that ass hole friend who makes shitty mistakes, but always treats you like you're the stupid one. This douche is probably the one that wants a sidekick- I call them kibbles and bits after the dog food commercial. Not because they are dogs....but...well...maybe it should be because they are dogs. Really, its because they think they are the alpha dog. In their mind you are the tiny dog hopping about. In my mind they are only worth a penny.


Kibbles is probably the type of friend that has a bad attitude and spends a lot of time judging others. They'll turn you into a side kick when they are truly not better than you in any way.  This friend probably is great for boozing and socializing so that is their season. Don't call this ass hole for advice or support. Hell don't even tell them about your weekend....your contact should be limited to "Let's get drunk" "OK" No dinners, no roadies, none of that friendship calibre shit. Just git drunk!! Heck this isn't even your contraband friend....kibbles is too judgemental for that shit....You know the kind...
Booze is ok..everything else is not....even though booze is horribly harmful.

Once you have sectioned off kibbles you are probably left with the super penny....the one who will hang out with you when she/he is single...Oh yes. They go through that break up and demand your emotional support- after weeks of dealing with their childish shit you call them to hang out and they say they are too busy with whatever excuse. Then of course they post pics on facebook with them busy having dinner with the family of the boy they just met. Yes you might have known them for years and had a friendship that required you to be supportive. Then that fucker decides that you're not good enough so she gets a boyfriend and focuses all her time on him.

This friend is very much a penny....do not get confused. When they have downtime she will use you. I am not even sure what season this can go with. I would add them to the kibbles pile. Heck it might even be the same person!!

Except this bitch likes contraband.

Yes, she will call for a banging girls night out and you can bring all the treats. You gotta pay because this bitch will make the old "I don't do it often enough to buy it" deal. Its all good, just stuff you would have done any way on your own. Now you have company. That's all this person is--company.They are literally seasonal since they will only use you for occasional times out or just for your single gal stories.

Well that covers some of the pennies. I'll cover quarters another day...but remember:

Yup. I am a relationship counsellor...friends are relationships...and sometimes they are just not that into you...remember that.

"Rob Fording"

Well this man has ruined my city's reputation, but I gotta say he can party!!! For that, he can be a verb...

Rob Fording (v.)-ed -ing: to get messed up and be undignified at a club when you have a dignified job..... "I was 'Rob Fording' last night and I feel like shit today"; "We 'Rob Forded' at Ultra Fest, it was awesome!"

Wanna know how to Rob Ford- Check out  this article from the Star

Single on a Saturday and other blogs return this weekend....

Single on a Saturday: Freedom 35!!!

When selfies go bad @taolasvegas

As lay recovering from yesterday's drinking in the sun and last night's Tao experience, I'm wondering if I'm too old to having this kind of fun?.....bah...I'm doing it up in better ways...still almost getting kicked out of clubs...still grabbing at men's butts...still losing expensive lippy in party places..still good times. But now I do bottle service, wear hotter heels, carry fast flats and go hard because I can.
No longer that young party chick on budget, now that older party lady with savings to burn. Tao kept up the birthday eve fun. Sexy bouncers, awesome music, nice bottle service area..hot men galore...oddly enough no pick up...seems to be the thing in Vegas....still it was quite fun...I have 5 years to plan the next mega bday....and one year to plan the next trip to Vegas ;)

Single on a Saturday: The Art of the Pick- Up

This weekend’s socialite night was at a new place- myself and another SHC (single hot chick) started at the Thompson Hotel where I enjoyed a $25 shot of Patron Café….most expensive in the city but I’m worth it….and danced to some awesome tunes. We then met up with a friend of hers that was staying at the hotel. Talk about a magnificent view and beautiful suites. I felt like modern royalty in there.

After the high priced shot and the visit to the royal boudoir, we walked to a line- up that looked like good times. Not knowing the place, we inquired about it and was told that it was not associated with the Thompson, but they give guests special privileges just the same. Awesome…so past the line and down the stairs into 1812 we went. 

http://www.thompsonhotels.com/hotels/toronto/thompson-toronto/organize-a-gathering/1812-lounge

What an awesome time! Great music alongside a well-dressed and fun crowd. There was one guy with really bad BO who kept trying to dance with me but that was snipped in the bud. Nothing more unattractive than bad BO and misguided persistence. 

This brings me to the art of the pick-up. Yes the art. It is a practice that requires some version of finesse and a plan..along with a back-up plan. Think about it like a mission on The Unit or well laid plan from JR on Dallas. It is an art and to be successful you must think of it in this way.

Just flirting does not get you nookie. Heck, it all starts before you even go out. I like to summarize things in phases.  So for those of you that are artistically inclined here are some ideas that you can run with:

Phase One: Planning

You gotta know where you want to go and what type of crowd you want to be in

This requires finding out in advanced where you want to go or at least having a mindset of the crowd you want find your afterhours entertainment

Then you gotta dress the part –ya ya I know as someone with a background sexual sociopsychology I should be encouraging people to present their true selves and not change to fit in…BULLSHIT..this is picking up…as I said it is an art. If this were a performance or a recital you’d dress the part. It has nothing to do with being someone different- it has to do with being the best you. This might mean practising walking around in those high heels that you bought, but never had a place to wear. It might mean doing f’in laundry so you don’t stink like a bad episode. Could be making sure your long jacket is ready for your very short skirt (it is winter and I do still wear mini dresses, but long hooded coats are in so no worries). Whatever it means, just do it and remember your goal is to pick up….

Phase Two: Execution level 1

Ya now its starting to sound like a mission, eh?

This level is the initial stage of the pick up- it involves getting into whatever the pick up venue is and scoping out the scene.

Lavo bottle service

For me this is different depending on where I am. In Vegas it requires bottle service and scoping out the line when I strut past….and yes it is a strut. Not a clumpy walk or a foot drag, but a strut that shows off my legs and the two hot tats on the back of them. You can refer to this part as the catwalk. In Toronto it is the steps I take to scope out the line. Now I typically set up guestlist and my catwalk is from the cab to the doorman…same strut, even in winter.  Let’s look at this past Sat when we went to 1812. We sent the friend (the guy my friend met up with) to make sure we didn’t have to stand in line. We left our coats in the hotel room and he was nice enough to run over and ask if we could just come in. So we did. Still cold and jacketless- we strut.  When I hit up Brooklyn it is the same- get out the cab in front of the door, and wiggle on in to the venue (of course I really only go to places with a dancefloor and most of them have a line since dancefloors in this city are dying—so guestlist is necessary). 

Now this catwalk is a part of the pick-up. It is the advertising portion of the eve.  It is when you show your wears off to others so that you can have a pool of treats to pick from. This goes for both males and females. Once you’re in there is always a catwalk to the bar and a catwalk to the bathroom….and so on. It is your initial entrance and first exposure to others at the venue. It also allows you to see who is in and what they are like before you’ve dipped heavily into the intoxicants.

Phase three: Execution level 2

Now you have scoped out the club/bar/whatever and performed a great catwalk, or dancemove or just stood around. You gotta make some eye contact or start up a conversation with someone. This has to be strategic. A shitty pick up line will not work….something simple like “hey great music” is good for the shy ones….but it would be nice to open with something a little more conversation generating. For example, at the afterhours party the washroom line is always a good hub. It is unisex  and so what ever floats your boat is in a closed space for chatting….and everyone is chatty because it keeps you from thinking about peeing….plus, when you put it into perspective, its an afterhours and everyone is in a social mood.  In a regular setting just bumping into someone on a dancefloor can spark a chat—“wow this place is busy”..”so sorry I bumped into you, want a shot?”…and so on.

Phase four: Sealing the Deal

Phase three is short…or long…depending on how much you chat up the pick up. Sometimes there really is not conversation, just some rubbing on each other, eye contact and a kiss (or make out on the dancefloor). Phase four is actually taking this person home (or just getting their number) depending on what the goal of the mission is. I’ll be honest…my goal is always the nookie….sometimes the nookie and a number for follow up, but always the nookie. It’s the best relaxant and you can’t put that shit in a bottle….So I guess I can say that picking up for me is therapeutic. Yup..not slutting about…self-medicating (that will be another blog on defining ho-ing and sluttery).

Now this phase can take a pretty or ugly turn depending on the conversation. I call 2am last call for booty…because by 3am you have to be out and that gives you an hour to chat up someone if the person you were talking to has to go home (or is too drunk to perform).  In the end you need to seal the deal. This could be just asking for the person’s number and making plans for the next day (brunch anyone?) or it could be inviting them to the afterhours club or something else that is to happen within the next day. Now I say the next day because the pick up is something that has to be acted upon immediately. It is a time sensitive activity. That person might sober up and change their mind or realize that they are actually married and was just delighted to be hit on. At any rate you need to make the plans right away. If you’re getting the nookie then this is the time to leave together or plan the 6am meet up.

When it all goes wrong:

Let’s take stinky boy at 1812.

-did not put on clean items or spray with a little febreeze or use correct antiperspirant/deodorant

-his conversation was muddled and slurry and really just consisted of grabbing women and trying to dance on them

-he did not have a plan of action…there are always women willing and ready for any man. He needed to refine his phase 3 and find an appropriate target for the pickup…its an art remember, strategically placed activities over the course of the night.

So to summarize…plan a goal, dress for success and close the deal in a timely manner. That is the Art of the Pick-Up.

The Case of the Bad Kiss

I'm just going to lay it out for you- bad kissing is a turn off. Now I will accept that the measure of good kissing is a personal taste. I will say that when my taste is not satisfied it is a real turn off.
What is bad kissing? What kind of kiss can take you from wet to dry? Well here are some signs to look out for:

1) My nose is in your mouth...I don't want to smell your spit or be blow your gum out of my nostril. My lips , as big as they are, are located in a normal part of my body-outside of my nose.

2) Your nose is in my mouth...that's just gross.

3)  I make that squirmy squished face look that people give when they smell something bad..this mainly occurs because I am overwhelmed with trying to figure out what the hell you're doing with your tongue and why you've decided to do it.

4) You treat my lips like some kind of chewy candy...I'm going to let you know my lips are made of people. Yup a human being is the material. Not sugar or caramel...I'm not really chocolate and I do not appreciate you trying to make what should be a fun and passionate thing into 'fun times at Willy Wonka's'!

5) I'm distant....hell I sat there thinking about the kissing rules while trapped in a deranged spit swap under some bad kisser. Yes gentlemen your partner could be thinking of those things just to get through the moment. Quite possibly he/she is waiting and wishing you'd be over or move to another part of the body. Your partner might be planning the shopping list, sorting out some stumping tax question, or thinking "who am I calling after to fix this mess".

I think these five areas are good start in understanding when you are doing it wrong, but how do you make it right?

Well its simple- you can ask your partner or you can just figure that the kiss isn't all about you. Sure you might like jamming your spit enthralled tongue into someone else's mouth, but they might not and you should consider easing into that shit.

Or when you are licking parts of the body that are not my mouth rinse you mouth out first- I don't eat myself out for a reason and it has nothing to do with flexibility.

Kissing should enhance the passion and can be very decent for play. It should involve the whole body and make a person want the other person more. I should not involve me trying to avoid having my upper lip swallowed while my bottom lip avoids nasty stubble.

Take note and practice your methods- because I won't usually tell you that you've done it wrong...I just won't contact you ever again...All you've done is helped the back up guy become the first call... until of course I remember why he was the back up..then I just get a new front runner...but its still not going to be you.

Check out this article from Marie Claire- It let me know that I'm not the only one thinking this!!!
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/bad-kiss-mistakes

Single on a Saturday: 3 am is a booty call not a boyfriend

I can't listen to any more young women talk about the love of their life, whom they really only see after the bar closes. They don't party together, they don't go on dates, they just wait to hook up at the end of the night. Folks this is not a boyfriend/significant other/soul mate...this is some dude who did not get lucky and is now calling you to fill a void.

There is nothing wrong with having friends with benefits. Let's face it, those are often the best friends in times of hunger. But do not get them confused with a dedicated heart felt relationship. You should not expect any commitment from the booty call and this person is not a potential life partner. Hell, this person is just an extended one night stand and in a few weeks/months/sessions you won't even call to them...or they won't care to call you.

That is when you just have to let it slide. Do not cry over them or fill up their voice mail and email with your whiny nonsense. Just go out to the bar and find a new one. In fact you should have one already set to go and a back up in the wings!!

Now I can lay down some sex therapist psychobabble, but I think it is safe to say that if someone only wants to see when they did not luck out at the bar then they are not seeking you for a long term monogamous caring relationship. This is about fucking. Just look at what surrounds the 3am booty call:
1. This person has been out drinking all night..possibly for 6 hours or more
2. Last call is at 2am and typically at this time all the in club booty hook ups complete
3. They didn't call you to come out or meet while out...they waited to call you at 3am!

Sometimes you just have to be glad for the commitment free sex. If you are not, then you need to be honest with yourself and start hunting for someone that suits those needs. Make this year to evaluate what you want from a relationship and how you will make that happen. Remember that bars are a great place to meet all sorts of people, but you gotta stay focused on your goals!!

Looking to get over your hangups? Here is a suggested read:

He's Just Not That Into You: Greg Behrendt, ‎Liz Tuccillo - 2007

Single on a Saturday: Drinking Outdoors

I love a  good festival...a festival that revolves around beer is great....craft beer is better....holding it outside in the snow is the best!!!!!! I'm talking Craft Beer Fest at the Steamwhistle Roundhouse- a reasonably smart way to get drunk between 11am and 5pm.

I gotta say it was definitely a great break and way to enjoy the winter again! No sense in staying home alone. I dressed warmly (no room for sexy in -18C weather) and I had foot warmers in my boots ($1 at Dollarama, $5 at the event--glad I planned ahead).

There were very few line ups- avoiding those gave way for an opportunity to try brews that I had never heard of. Did you know Niagara has a Brewery program?!!!! Delicious.

There's the DJ that I bugged for hours on end..met his dad (getting drunk) too

The best part is your drink never got warm!! I just don't get those people that stayed indoors. The only thing the indoors were good for was the washroom...in fact all the washrooms in this place were good. I used the men's one- outdoor port o potties with a urinal. The urinals were all used, but the sit down part was not. That is a big check mark in my book--warm, underused outdoor potties!!!

I'm pretty sure I had a good time....I'm also pretty sure I flirted with every guy behind a tap...just something sexy about a man serving beer. I would like to also mention that it was Robbie Burns Day and there were a multitude of hotties in kilts...also very sexy. Something about man- kilts turns me on.....

All I know is my collectors mug is at my friends place...I don't remember getting to her place and I don't remember how I got home. And no, I did not wake up with a stranger, I woke up with a sandwich. Not bad for $20 worth of mini beers.

Pump and go!

I'm dropping new lingo for you folks yet again....I use the term pump and go often...take a couple of guesses as to what it is about...I am sure you do not need that much time to figure out that this is probably just a different way of saying booty call....or maybe you you didn't and I just ruined the mystique...sorry.

Ah yes the pump and go. This was a tag created many sunsets ago when I was in my second year of university. Some friends I and were lazy-ing about one post-pubnight Friday in the Vanier Res Common Room when a commercial came on for the Shell Speed Pass...it's like the Mobil speedpass where you just have to tap the stick on a sensor to pay and then you can leave.

The commercials closer was "you just have to pump and go". Naturally we looked at each other and laughed. That became the new saying- Just Pump...and Go. The "Wham bam thank you ma'am/sam" for the 21st Century!! Now I use it all the time. With the commercial off the air it just seems like a nice witty saying. Not related to the gas at all.

So take that and have some fun with it. Remember all you have to do is "Pump... and Go"


I could not find the original "Pump and Go" ad so just enjoy these semi-related ones ;)