Stop the victimization

Here is a cute list of what not to do so that women do not get raped....notice how it turns back to the perp! (as it should be)

It's not new...

I re-started my pole dance classes this week. Good times at Brass Vixens, but its not about the socializing for me, I do it to stay in shape. I have been pole dancing/fitnessing for about 10 years. I have done it across two countries and been awarded for passes from level 1 to extreme. I have done performances live and Brass Vixens is my 5th studio. So I am not new to this.

What I am noticing though, now that I am back at a commercial studio—there are women who really act as if they discovered this poke thing. They show up to a beginner class to show off that they can do inverted moves. Really…seriously. If you have that skill you practice it during practice time or the appropriate class. You should not be doing it in a beginners class.

Only one teacher so far has requested no inverted's in beginner but that’s it.

 The issue with this is that it is a beginner class in an intimidating activity. Some women already feel out of shape or as if they do not belong, but want to feel sexy. That is why they are in the pole class. Having another student that clearly should not be allowed in a beginners class is a disrespect to them. It may taint their view on the studio or the whole idea of pole dancing.

That’s why I left Flirty Girl Fitness. Too many skinny bitches complaining that they are fat trying to out do each other passive aggressively. Nonsense. I am sure I have moves and routines that can dance circles around them. But once I get my strength back, I’m leaving beginners. It’s the right thing to do.

So I’m just gonna say: Pole dancing is a great way to get in shape and feel like a hottie, but bitches that cannot stop being the centre of attention or support other women are fucking the whole thing up. How nice would it be if women weren’t such haters.

I guess it is like a strip club.

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Single on a Saturday: Oh that Cats of Two..

I have finally recovered. Now let’s talk Saturday.

So 2CatsCocktail lounge was a favorite hotspot of mine many moons ago. I took a break from it for a few years. Then they renovated and once again my love for it has begun to flourish. I have mentioned it a few times in these blogs, but this time it needs its own space.

There is no bar that leads to memory loss as much as 2Cats has.  I wake up safely at 9am at home in my PJs, but I remember nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Sunday morning, as I was reconnecting with the party mates re:the night before, they both tossed around a new sort-of slogan: 2Cats is the blackhole of Toronto…You remember going in, but never coming out. Interesting. I keep saying we need a video camera or take more selfies, just to retrace the night.

Its always a good time at 2Cats and you just forget that you are drinking liquor. This is the place for social people. Even in its new expanded form it is crowded in all of the right spots. The dance floor is where you make it and everyone is ok with that. You’re always chatting to the people near you, smile as you push past the crowd to the bathroom. ..oh and the best part is that there is never a bathroom line!!!!! I think I would have just as much fun while sober there, but life’s a celebration filled with fine wine (and vodka). Good times had by all- the perfect recipe for forgetting.

When I look back I only stopped going because of the line up. Now I only go if it is a  pre-set destination (I will no longer bar hop on King West. Not worth the time waiting in lines). I go out earlier and get back home sooner….hahaha or so is the plan, but that never happens. I get there at 10:30 and still troll home at past 4am..I actually was walking out there carrying my shoes…Arctic Monkeys fans will get that one. I got in a cab and came home…

Or so I assume.

Kicking up heels on Canada Day..

I’m sorry to say this…but WTF Toronto!!!! Not all of us have cottages at this time! Some of us are in the city on a holiday eve and looking for a place to smashed at….gaahhh.

Yes I am frustrated. What does this frustration stem from..well. Picture it: June 30 2014…it is a Monday night and bunch of drunken cool ppl are out….trying to get our dance and drink on.

We all had July 1st off..Hell the whole country had the next day off!

How is it that on the night of a holiday a party was so hard to find?!!! We were in the east end and all the usuals were closed…. More closures than dancefloors.  Nonesense.

….but the country bar was open. Yes…I went to Boots andBurbon…

Not my cup of tea, but I am glad they were around. Hot men, good drinks, great bartenders…can’t go wrong! Heck I even learnt how to line dance…sort of…

I gotta say, that was awesome. Kind of felt nice getting out of my usual comfort spots. I typically don't go east, but this summer is about experiencing new good times...all the boot scootin boogie times.

Review: Mixology

So I officially think that "Mixology" is the best show on earth. It feels like I'm watching my nights in action. For those not in the know, "Mixology" is a show about picking at the bar. One night, that goes for a few episodes. Its that night you had that time and you're retelling it to a buddy. It's a unique way to look at the bar scene and cannot hate on lines such as: "I'm not just some guy, I'm a man that wants to make sweet ass love to you."
The best part comes at the end when they are all trying to finalize their evening booties. "You gotta get the ice cream home before it melts" ....yes...they said what we are all thinking. By the end of the night you have worked so hard for that pick up and you need to recognize there is a small window of opportunity. I did not specify a time in my previous post  but the show pins it at 8 mins. You have to leave the venue in 8 minutes after agreeing to go home together....there you go...the window is 8 minutes.

Thanks Mixiology.

I wonder if there is enough material for a second season....

Single on a Saturday: The Art of the Pick- Up

This weekend’s socialite night was at a new place- myself and another SHC (single hot chick) started at the Thompson Hotel where I enjoyed a $25 shot of Patron Café….most expensive in the city but I’m worth it….and danced to some awesome tunes. We then met up with a friend of hers that was staying at the hotel. Talk about a magnificent view and beautiful suites. I felt like modern royalty in there.

After the high priced shot and the visit to the royal boudoir, we walked to a line- up that looked like good times. Not knowing the place, we inquired about it and was told that it was not associated with the Thompson, but they give guests special privileges just the same. Awesome…so past the line and down the stairs into 1812 we went. 

http://www.thompsonhotels.com/hotels/toronto/thompson-toronto/organize-a-gathering/1812-lounge

What an awesome time! Great music alongside a well-dressed and fun crowd. There was one guy with really bad BO who kept trying to dance with me but that was snipped in the bud. Nothing more unattractive than bad BO and misguided persistence. 

This brings me to the art of the pick-up. Yes the art. It is a practice that requires some version of finesse and a plan..along with a back-up plan. Think about it like a mission on The Unit or well laid plan from JR on Dallas. It is an art and to be successful you must think of it in this way.

Just flirting does not get you nookie. Heck, it all starts before you even go out. I like to summarize things in phases.  So for those of you that are artistically inclined here are some ideas that you can run with:

Phase One: Planning

You gotta know where you want to go and what type of crowd you want to be in

This requires finding out in advanced where you want to go or at least having a mindset of the crowd you want find your afterhours entertainment

Then you gotta dress the part –ya ya I know as someone with a background sexual sociopsychology I should be encouraging people to present their true selves and not change to fit in…BULLSHIT..this is picking up…as I said it is an art. If this were a performance or a recital you’d dress the part. It has nothing to do with being someone different- it has to do with being the best you. This might mean practising walking around in those high heels that you bought, but never had a place to wear. It might mean doing f’in laundry so you don’t stink like a bad episode. Could be making sure your long jacket is ready for your very short skirt (it is winter and I do still wear mini dresses, but long hooded coats are in so no worries). Whatever it means, just do it and remember your goal is to pick up….

Phase Two: Execution level 1

Ya now its starting to sound like a mission, eh?

This level is the initial stage of the pick up- it involves getting into whatever the pick up venue is and scoping out the scene.

Lavo bottle service

For me this is different depending on where I am. In Vegas it requires bottle service and scoping out the line when I strut past….and yes it is a strut. Not a clumpy walk or a foot drag, but a strut that shows off my legs and the two hot tats on the back of them. You can refer to this part as the catwalk. In Toronto it is the steps I take to scope out the line. Now I typically set up guestlist and my catwalk is from the cab to the doorman…same strut, even in winter.  Let’s look at this past Sat when we went to 1812. We sent the friend (the guy my friend met up with) to make sure we didn’t have to stand in line. We left our coats in the hotel room and he was nice enough to run over and ask if we could just come in. So we did. Still cold and jacketless- we strut.  When I hit up Brooklyn it is the same- get out the cab in front of the door, and wiggle on in to the venue (of course I really only go to places with a dancefloor and most of them have a line since dancefloors in this city are dying—so guestlist is necessary). 

Now this catwalk is a part of the pick-up. It is the advertising portion of the eve.  It is when you show your wears off to others so that you can have a pool of treats to pick from. This goes for both males and females. Once you’re in there is always a catwalk to the bar and a catwalk to the bathroom….and so on. It is your initial entrance and first exposure to others at the venue. It also allows you to see who is in and what they are like before you’ve dipped heavily into the intoxicants.

Phase three: Execution level 2

Now you have scoped out the club/bar/whatever and performed a great catwalk, or dancemove or just stood around. You gotta make some eye contact or start up a conversation with someone. This has to be strategic. A shitty pick up line will not work….something simple like “hey great music” is good for the shy ones….but it would be nice to open with something a little more conversation generating. For example, at the afterhours party the washroom line is always a good hub. It is unisex  and so what ever floats your boat is in a closed space for chatting….and everyone is chatty because it keeps you from thinking about peeing….plus, when you put it into perspective, its an afterhours and everyone is in a social mood.  In a regular setting just bumping into someone on a dancefloor can spark a chat—“wow this place is busy”..”so sorry I bumped into you, want a shot?”…and so on.

Phase four: Sealing the Deal

Phase three is short…or long…depending on how much you chat up the pick up. Sometimes there really is not conversation, just some rubbing on each other, eye contact and a kiss (or make out on the dancefloor). Phase four is actually taking this person home (or just getting their number) depending on what the goal of the mission is. I’ll be honest…my goal is always the nookie….sometimes the nookie and a number for follow up, but always the nookie. It’s the best relaxant and you can’t put that shit in a bottle….So I guess I can say that picking up for me is therapeutic. Yup..not slutting about…self-medicating (that will be another blog on defining ho-ing and sluttery).

Now this phase can take a pretty or ugly turn depending on the conversation. I call 2am last call for booty…because by 3am you have to be out and that gives you an hour to chat up someone if the person you were talking to has to go home (or is too drunk to perform).  In the end you need to seal the deal. This could be just asking for the person’s number and making plans for the next day (brunch anyone?) or it could be inviting them to the afterhours club or something else that is to happen within the next day. Now I say the next day because the pick up is something that has to be acted upon immediately. It is a time sensitive activity. That person might sober up and change their mind or realize that they are actually married and was just delighted to be hit on. At any rate you need to make the plans right away. If you’re getting the nookie then this is the time to leave together or plan the 6am meet up.

When it all goes wrong:

Let’s take stinky boy at 1812.

-did not put on clean items or spray with a little febreeze or use correct antiperspirant/deodorant

-his conversation was muddled and slurry and really just consisted of grabbing women and trying to dance on them

-he did not have a plan of action…there are always women willing and ready for any man. He needed to refine his phase 3 and find an appropriate target for the pickup…its an art remember, strategically placed activities over the course of the night.

So to summarize…plan a goal, dress for success and close the deal in a timely manner. That is the Art of the Pick-Up.

The Case of the Bad Kiss

I'm just going to lay it out for you- bad kissing is a turn off. Now I will accept that the measure of good kissing is a personal taste. I will say that when my taste is not satisfied it is a real turn off.
What is bad kissing? What kind of kiss can take you from wet to dry? Well here are some signs to look out for:

1) My nose is in your mouth...I don't want to smell your spit or be blow your gum out of my nostril. My lips , as big as they are, are located in a normal part of my body-outside of my nose.

2) Your nose is in my mouth...that's just gross.

3)  I make that squirmy squished face look that people give when they smell something bad..this mainly occurs because I am overwhelmed with trying to figure out what the hell you're doing with your tongue and why you've decided to do it.

4) You treat my lips like some kind of chewy candy...I'm going to let you know my lips are made of people. Yup a human being is the material. Not sugar or caramel...I'm not really chocolate and I do not appreciate you trying to make what should be a fun and passionate thing into 'fun times at Willy Wonka's'!

5) I'm distant....hell I sat there thinking about the kissing rules while trapped in a deranged spit swap under some bad kisser. Yes gentlemen your partner could be thinking of those things just to get through the moment. Quite possibly he/she is waiting and wishing you'd be over or move to another part of the body. Your partner might be planning the shopping list, sorting out some stumping tax question, or thinking "who am I calling after to fix this mess".

I think these five areas are good start in understanding when you are doing it wrong, but how do you make it right?

Well its simple- you can ask your partner or you can just figure that the kiss isn't all about you. Sure you might like jamming your spit enthralled tongue into someone else's mouth, but they might not and you should consider easing into that shit.

Or when you are licking parts of the body that are not my mouth rinse you mouth out first- I don't eat myself out for a reason and it has nothing to do with flexibility.

Kissing should enhance the passion and can be very decent for play. It should involve the whole body and make a person want the other person more. I should not involve me trying to avoid having my upper lip swallowed while my bottom lip avoids nasty stubble.

Take note and practice your methods- because I won't usually tell you that you've done it wrong...I just won't contact you ever again...All you've done is helped the back up guy become the first call... until of course I remember why he was the back up..then I just get a new front runner...but its still not going to be you.

Check out this article from Marie Claire- It let me know that I'm not the only one thinking this!!!
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/bad-kiss-mistakes