Single on a July Day: Part 2, Exit Festing (NoviSad)

Well after my short time in Belgrade I had to make my way to Novi Sad...I had a ticket for Exit Festival!!!! This is where things get fun. The lady at the counter did not speak English and my Serbian isn' t any better. I made great use of sign language and what I hoped was the correct schedule. I bought what I hoped was a one way ticket and got on a train that I figured was going to the right place.

Solo travel at its best!

This is the old train...used for other cities

 

Two hours later I was in Novi Sad. The trip was in a great new train, but the tracks are still old so it was not any faster, just way more comfy...and had air conditioning which was a plus with the +36C degree weather.

Once I arrived at the train station there were volunteers from the festival helping people get to their destination. Now this is where I give two pieces of important advice...1) don't bother with the bus pass;  2) If you are a solo traveller on a budget do not book through Exit Trip (unless you are booking camping).

As for #1, they sell you on the bus pass because it is more convenient than trying to pay on the bus, but it really is not necessary. Everything I needed was in walking distance...including the festival.

The shower curtain..one on each side

And #2....I was told by representative (by email) that  I had to book a whole room even if I was traveling alone. This meant that I was paying double, but got the whole room to myself. So it was a budget conscious decision for me to go with the cheapest place. Bad idea!! Horrible....no WiFi, no cleaning, very basic amenities. A true hostel...but was apparently student housing for a tech program. The shower was open to two room areas and when I told the guy that was showing me to my room that it was unacceptable he said it was nothing to worry about and continued. Hahaha....I know better now. Next time I'll just do a little extra research and not trust the website; too bad their ad could not just say: "this place is filthy and ill equipped". (Booking.com helped me out with the other places, I'll keep them in mind for my next Exit Adventure.)

On a positive note, it was a good place to meet other people since everyone around was either a student or a visitor down for Exit.

Me and the rules for entry

Exit Festival was a first of its kind for me...a night time festival. I've done raves, but a full on festival at night....that was  different. I loved it. It was 8pm- 8am and I was usually there from 10pm-4am...that's the perfect time of day for me. The weather was more bearable and I simply prefer the night time.

There were 10 stages and all sorts of awesomeness. Plus it was held in fortress!! The party atmosphere was insane; DJs and bands all over an historical fort and let's not forget about 100 000 people were there each night. It was a great experience that I wish I could afford to do again next year. So many highlights: Faithless, Roni Size Reprezent, the whole No Sleep zone, silent disco, Manu Chau, giant slide, opening night fireworks...and much more.  I walked to and from the event and had no issues with safety or directions since Novi Sad is easy to navigate and my map memory is pretty good.

The city itself was very nice beyond the festival. Once again great prices for food and drink and great places to chill. Since my crappy accommodations did not have WiFi (so odd!!), I was advised by the ExitTrip people to go across the street to the mall and find a restaurant there. It worked out for the best since I ended up hanging out at cool place called Babylon in the SPENS. I walked in and asked if they had food, booze and Internet...they had booze and Internet and that was good enough for me.

My time at Babylon begins on a Thursday. The festival did not start until Friday so I needed a night of boozing. This is where the rakija enters the vacation. To compensate for the no food issues I had fast food across the way at Minuta....

It's all about cheap and fast

after a few beers....then I asked for rakija and the waitress was shocked and pleased.

Now from this point it is a routine of beers and different types of rakija and glasses of water along with laughs and failed language lessons . It was nice to feel welcome and, since I was alone, there was no pressure to stay or to go. I crawled back into my single bed at the residence around 7:30am....I swear that rakija shit is like red bull....I didn't get sick, just stayed awake until I was horizontal...then it was sleep time.

I did some visiting and more drinking during my few days in Novi Sad, but as I said this was a whirlwind vacation. I think I'll need to go back and stay for a few days after or before Exit Fest. I'd definitely do Exit again!

If you're making plans here are my recommendations:

Get the early bird ticket and make sure you have a hotel/hostel/apartment booked by February. The prices go up and the city sells out. You can always do the camp thing...not my thing, but I heard it was pretty clean and close to the beach.

Also, there is a secondary festival in Montenegro-- Sea Dance. If you buy your Exit ticket early enough you can get into this festival quite inexpensively. I did not go, but I saw pictures....awesome time. I might do it next year...if I can afford to get back to that side of the world!


On to the next stop....

This was one of the stops on my 9h bus ride to Sarajevo

Slut

It is the slap in the face in high school when you didn’t go all the way, but he wanted a name for himself.

It is the kick in the stomach when your best friend decides she no longer wants to be your best friend.

It is the rape that occurs after the rape.

You slut

She’s a fucking slut

That bitch is such a slut

SLUT

my new unfavourite: I’m such a slut (said with glee)

Every time I hear this word it makes me cringe. It is as demeaning as calling a black person a nigger, a Spanish person spic, a Korean person a guk, a fat person a porker….I can go on, but you get the picture.

A woman is a slut. The word is not positive. It is not a term of endearment and only a privileged idiot would ever believe that woman can reclaim it as her own.

The word is a way to show degrading feelings towards women and it is not just young girls that are using it. I have heard grown men and women use slut as if it was not harmful. Shouting out slut when a name is stated or referring to someone’s style as slutty.  There is this new movement where girls and women proudly refer to themselves as sluts (as if it is some new form of feminism).

The purpose of the word was to put women down and it still does that.  No person is considered more seedy or worthless than the slut. That’s why she gets the name. A person finds her sexual self so repulsive that she isn’t even worthy of being called loose…she’s a slut.

Given the countless lives hurt or destroyed by this term and the weight it carries slut must be retired from our vocabulary.

First off: Women should no longer be singled out because of their sexual prowess. It is not anyone’s business what they do behind doors unless it impacts you directly. 

Second: Some women being called slut were actually sexually assault and then labelled. What gives anyone the right to re-assault them rather than help them (this goes into a much larger conversation about sexual assault and its acceptability in society). 

Thirdly: If you want to reclaim your sexual prowess and prove that you are happy living an unconstrained life, then find a new fucking word.  (unless of course you are actually ashamed of yourself. In which case you should seek other help.) Why abuse yourself when you can actually be powerful?!! Something like liberated in place of slut.

I understand that we now live in a lack luster and uncreative society, but if Oxford can add new words to its vocabulary then so can you.

Educate your damn self:
Slut!: Growing up Female with a Bad Reputation--Leora Tanenbaum (2000)

Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut-- Emily White (2002)

Check out the UnSlut Project: http://www.unslutproject.com/

When the sex is pretentious....

I don’t know what is happening with guys these days. Before  I go further , I am not out to man bash…just bash idiot men. The ones who are so pretentious that you can hear their conceit from a mile away.   What are these guys thinking…oh wait..I know. They are thinking “I’m awesome and you’re lucky I’m a live”. Even the sex is pretentious. He is so into what he considers pleasuring you—it’s a weird combination of facial expressions, odd bendy moves and him grunting “that’s good right” …hahahahaha…no, it’s really not funny.  It’s actually kind of sad. There has been a rush to blame porn for giving them unrealistic ideas of what a good lay is.  I don’t blame porn though, I blame arrogance. And not the usual arrogance, but the kind of arrogance that makes you think you’re better than a porn star and know so much about what makes someone feel good that you don’t need to ask (or take instruction).  

It sickens me to think that women and men have been subjected to this and leave the situation under satisfied. The solution is simple. Stop that shit in progress. This does take confidence and the comfort knowing that your partner is not keep going.  but you could always finish unsatisfied and not call him again. Whatever your tactic, stick to it.  you’ll gradually become more assertive and these men will gradually learn that their options are limited when they are assholes. 

Besides, there is so much better stuff out there, why settle for pretentious sex.

Follow @MsNicolesBits

Single on a Saturday: Oh that Cats of Two..

I have finally recovered. Now let’s talk Saturday.

So 2CatsCocktail lounge was a favorite hotspot of mine many moons ago. I took a break from it for a few years. Then they renovated and once again my love for it has begun to flourish. I have mentioned it a few times in these blogs, but this time it needs its own space.

There is no bar that leads to memory loss as much as 2Cats has.  I wake up safely at 9am at home in my PJs, but I remember nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Sunday morning, as I was reconnecting with the party mates re:the night before, they both tossed around a new sort-of slogan: 2Cats is the blackhole of Toronto…You remember going in, but never coming out. Interesting. I keep saying we need a video camera or take more selfies, just to retrace the night.

Its always a good time at 2Cats and you just forget that you are drinking liquor. This is the place for social people. Even in its new expanded form it is crowded in all of the right spots. The dance floor is where you make it and everyone is ok with that. You’re always chatting to the people near you, smile as you push past the crowd to the bathroom. ..oh and the best part is that there is never a bathroom line!!!!! I think I would have just as much fun while sober there, but life’s a celebration filled with fine wine (and vodka). Good times had by all- the perfect recipe for forgetting.

When I look back I only stopped going because of the line up. Now I only go if it is a  pre-set destination (I will no longer bar hop on King West. Not worth the time waiting in lines). I go out earlier and get back home sooner….hahaha or so is the plan, but that never happens. I get there at 10:30 and still troll home at past 4am..I actually was walking out there carrying my shoes…Arctic Monkeys fans will get that one. I got in a cab and came home…

Or so I assume.

Single on a Saturday: Beards everywhere!!

So this was a long time coming…sorry. At any rate I reclaimed my weekends last week. I took off Saturday and began the fun on Friday! Let’s start with the fun time celebration at Prohibition Gashouse on Friday. Hooch hour is my new favourite thing to do after work. Too bad it is so far east. Well not so far if you live out there. It’s a nice place at Queen and Broadview and the hooch hour is awesome. You cannot beat Patron shots for $6!

The bar turns into a club-ish type place after 10pm, we didn’t stick around, but I hear it’s an awesome pickup joint. “Roz” (heehee…she knows who she is!) and I had to high tail it to the west.  

Here I’d like to intercept and say: Has anyone else noticed how many men are out in Toronto locals?  There was a mix, but predominantly male showing, at Prohibition,  after that we hit Eat My Martini. 

This place usually has a mix, but the women were mainly seated and men were all over the bar. Then we somehow ended up at Opera Bob’s (at this point we’re wondering around, just enjoying the night). There were a few women in here, but overall it was like the men came out in groups.

or is that heards….heards of men…does that sound right?....

Anyway there were heaps of them out and about at the bars.  Being social..and kinda flirty.  I think I can be ok with that, but I’m not ok with the beards. 

What the fuck is up with these fucking beards??!!! It’s like Movember never ended…it just kept growing…gahhh..aggggg

Some men can pull it off, some just look creepy or dirty or pompous…those are the only three other options—I think that the majority of men fall into one of these three categories. Maybe its that these guys just don’t know how to groom it…fine then,  try reviewing this fine article from Men’s Health  Try out the tips and see.

…but really most of you just need to look in the mirror and realize it is a big turn off…

It’s not winter, you do not need the weather protection. Get rid of that shit!

Especially if you plan on hanging out in crews of men with beards!!

The Case of the Bad Kiss

I'm just going to lay it out for you- bad kissing is a turn off. Now I will accept that the measure of good kissing is a personal taste. I will say that when my taste is not satisfied it is a real turn off.
What is bad kissing? What kind of kiss can take you from wet to dry? Well here are some signs to look out for:

1) My nose is in your mouth...I don't want to smell your spit or be blow your gum out of my nostril. My lips , as big as they are, are located in a normal part of my body-outside of my nose.

2) Your nose is in my mouth...that's just gross.

3)  I make that squirmy squished face look that people give when they smell something bad..this mainly occurs because I am overwhelmed with trying to figure out what the hell you're doing with your tongue and why you've decided to do it.

4) You treat my lips like some kind of chewy candy...I'm going to let you know my lips are made of people. Yup a human being is the material. Not sugar or caramel...I'm not really chocolate and I do not appreciate you trying to make what should be a fun and passionate thing into 'fun times at Willy Wonka's'!

5) I'm distant....hell I sat there thinking about the kissing rules while trapped in a deranged spit swap under some bad kisser. Yes gentlemen your partner could be thinking of those things just to get through the moment. Quite possibly he/she is waiting and wishing you'd be over or move to another part of the body. Your partner might be planning the shopping list, sorting out some stumping tax question, or thinking "who am I calling after to fix this mess".

I think these five areas are good start in understanding when you are doing it wrong, but how do you make it right?

Well its simple- you can ask your partner or you can just figure that the kiss isn't all about you. Sure you might like jamming your spit enthralled tongue into someone else's mouth, but they might not and you should consider easing into that shit.

Or when you are licking parts of the body that are not my mouth rinse you mouth out first- I don't eat myself out for a reason and it has nothing to do with flexibility.

Kissing should enhance the passion and can be very decent for play. It should involve the whole body and make a person want the other person more. I should not involve me trying to avoid having my upper lip swallowed while my bottom lip avoids nasty stubble.

Take note and practice your methods- because I won't usually tell you that you've done it wrong...I just won't contact you ever again...All you've done is helped the back up guy become the first call... until of course I remember why he was the back up..then I just get a new front runner...but its still not going to be you.

Check out this article from Marie Claire- It let me know that I'm not the only one thinking this!!!
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/bad-kiss-mistakes

An app for that

Oh yes the gracious fertility app.  I was a bit of a skeptic at first. I work in sexual health education and counselling and I feel as though the app forces women to put their faith in technology not learn what they need to know about tracking their fertility. 

I have been moving up from my old school ways and starting to rely on technology for a lot of the sexual health stuff I discuss. It started with referring websites to letting women on the Nuvaring know that they have an ap for that. I figured this was a way for those with true organizational difficulty to keep track of their birth control.

Well I have decided to do more research into these fertility trackers. I am an ethnographic type of researcher so I simply joined a group of many women and have downloaded the Fertility Friend. There is actually more to it than expected. It does give an option to enter the cervical fluid, spotting, dates of intercourse, and temperature. If you take it seriously and add something everyday it could be really useful.
I think it also gives women a chance to realize that natural family planning is not simply marking your period on a calendar or just avoiding sex right before you think your period may come. (heehee...that one makes me laugh). Don't get me wrong- I do not support condom free sex unless you are willing to accept what ever choices follow. I do support avoiding getting pregnant when you are not ready.

So I'm going to use this thing. It means I can just put things into my phone without having to write it down. Give me about three months and we'll see how it goes...any suggestions send them my way: @msnicolesbits