Ah .. I get it...and it sucks

Ok..so I get it now…remember when I discussed the advanced dancers in my beginner 1 pole class (check this link)? Well now I understand their pain. The pain of ‘the hottie that wants to be in advanced but still needs to build her strength in beginner 2 but only beginner 1 is available.’

Yup, that’s a thing now. I stand in the back corner hating every minute…hoping the instructor just ignores my irritated presence…..worst part is that it is the only pole class available to me…I don’t get a workout and sometimes I have to share a pole. I hate it. I’m miserable.

 I did not come to meet people and share life stories. I came to dance. I’ve sent emails and the Vixens have made it clear that I just gotta wait and hope….plus I cannot transfer the membership. Fine. Understandable. But I am wasting time…it’s not even the money…it’s the time. I’m not going to grow at all in beginner 1. That shit is for people who need to dip their feet in the pole water.

I like to jump right the fuck in….

I need a beginner 2 class…someplace to build my strength, learn some new moves and just dance it out….oh but wait....to do that I have to leave work early, or get up at 10 am on my only day off….fuck that shit.

Of course there are other classes- Pilate's, Chair dance, flex stuff, aerials…great…but that is what is filling my schedule and none of that has me dancing on a pole…...letting my sexy out on a safe, glass free dance floor….and, let’s face it, you can get that shit free from the Internet! I’m not paying $100 a month for that.

I guess I just need to turn my storage area into a studio…hmm….Dear Santa…..

In the meantime, any know of a pole studio that allows for a mostly pole schedule?!


Follow @MsNicolesBits

Kicking up heels on Canada Day..

I’m sorry to say this…but WTF Toronto!!!! Not all of us have cottages at this time! Some of us are in the city on a holiday eve and looking for a place to smashed at….gaahhh.

Yes I am frustrated. What does this frustration stem from..well. Picture it: June 30 2014…it is a Monday night and bunch of drunken cool ppl are out….trying to get our dance and drink on.

We all had July 1st off..Hell the whole country had the next day off!

How is it that on the night of a holiday a party was so hard to find?!!! We were in the east end and all the usuals were closed…. More closures than dancefloors.  Nonesense.

….but the country bar was open. Yes…I went to Boots andBurbon…

Not my cup of tea, but I am glad they were around. Hot men, good drinks, great bartenders…can’t go wrong! Heck I even learnt how to line dance…sort of…

I gotta say, that was awesome. Kind of felt nice getting out of my usual comfort spots. I typically don't go east, but this summer is about experiencing new good times...all the boot scootin boogie times.

Sex on a first date

Someone sent this across my way:

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

Awesome article!! The main thing to take in is that if you are sacrificing having sex with someone for the sake of looking pure then you might be wasting your time. I read "The Rules" and even attempted to follow them, but I could not. I cannot be that lady.

Sex itself is a healthy thing for the body. It hopefully leads to an orgasm or a rush of body chemicals the ends up with you feeling elated and tired. Assuming it goes well and there aren't any medical/other issues involved.

If you want technical reasons then look up these lovely chemicals:
Oxytocin: This is a hormone that the body releases during orgasm. This releases endorphins and brings a sense of elation to the body. It makes you happy.
Prolactin: A hormone mainly linked to lactation (breast feeding)
Dopamine: Another (blessed) side effect of orgasm, dopamine is a hormone released 

Of course there is the emotional side of things. The skin to skin contact can be comforting and being with someone might make you feel closer to them (or just feel good for the sake of feeling good).

All of these things are not great excuses for pressuring someone to have sex on a first date...they are just positive rationalizations. Now.... things can get iffy.

Some people see sex as a way to solidify a relationship. Sex on a first date is probably not a good idea in this situation. The first date may be the last and the sex was not intended as a connection. Then there are those who have sex addictions- a real issue. This might cause someone to have sex on a first date for no reason and then feel like shit afterwards. That is also a bad idea. There are also people that have difficulty coming to orgasm or have pain during sex (such as vaginismus). Also hard times for sex on a first date. These situations require a lot more from a partner than a quick meeting can provide.

Overall, sex on a first date can be great thing, but should not bea pressure. Do what what you're most comfortable with and do it safely.....and if you like it--do it often.


Sources:
Cool article in Chatelaine (and there is mention of Beverly Whipple, an awesome sexual scientist): http://www.chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/more-sex-is-the-secret-to-a-longer-healthier-life/
Video:http://youtu.be/sSOFtSG6nDo

Single on a Saturday: Booze can be helpful!!

Well another Saturday night spent home doing work...just took a break to read another part of current interest: "The Sexual Herbal" by Brigitte Mars. Good thing I did. I read a section about the positive aspects of certain alcohols for sex purposes.

Of course it is common sense to note that alcohol in excess is not good for those looking fora good pump. For men, too much of a boozy time decreases testosterone production and can lead to problems with erection formation and maintenance. For women, it leads to an increase in estrogen and can impact fertility and ability to reach orgasm.

All terrible news!!


But there is a mild light at the end of the tunnel-- drinking she mentioned a drink that I loved many years ago....Chartreuse. Deliciously unique in flavour, Chartreuse is a green or yellow  liqueur that tastes deliciously wonderful on ice. (let me just interject here: use a lot of ice or an ice ball. This prevents the ice from melting and you keep your drink cold, not watered down) I used to drink the green one back in my 'bartending at Burswood (now Crown Perth Casino) days' 6ish years ago. I haven't been able to find it at a bar since.

Well according to Mars and some other articles including this one by AskMen, Chartreuse is an aphrodisiac..it increases the libido....makes you want to get it on...

Now why this particular alcohol you ask? From what I can understand the crazy plant ingredients themselves produce a sexual stimulant and booze overall does relax you and help with inhibitions.

That would explain many a night after my shift ended.....Hmm...good times...I think I need to add some to my repertoire again. Off to the LCBO I go!!

remember to always drink in moderation or else you'll break your fuck...

Review: Mixology

So I officially think that "Mixology" is the best show on earth. It feels like I'm watching my nights in action. For those not in the know, "Mixology" is a show about picking at the bar. One night, that goes for a few episodes. Its that night you had that time and you're retelling it to a buddy. It's a unique way to look at the bar scene and cannot hate on lines such as: "I'm not just some guy, I'm a man that wants to make sweet ass love to you."
The best part comes at the end when they are all trying to finalize their evening booties. "You gotta get the ice cream home before it melts" ....yes...they said what we are all thinking. By the end of the night you have worked so hard for that pick up and you need to recognize there is a small window of opportunity. I did not specify a time in my previous post  but the show pins it at 8 mins. You have to leave the venue in 8 minutes after agreeing to go home together....there you go...the window is 8 minutes.

Thanks Mixiology.

I wonder if there is enough material for a second season....

Single on a Saturday: Putting the pennies to use

So a friend of mine posted a very awesome slogan on facebook: 'In my old age I have decided that I'd rather surround myself with a few great people- I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.' I cannot stress how true this is. At 35 I look back at my "friends" and see what I have. Too many pennies. Way too many pennies. This is the problem with getting old- you see the amount of users in your life but are afraid that they are the only ones that will be there for the rest of this time so you stick with them.

I say fuck that. You can make friends in my many ways to meet your many needs. I might have discussed my man for all seasons concept. ..hmmm...looking back I did not. So that will be another edition.

Let's talk friends for all season. These are the people that are really just pennies. They will never be quarters because they are not good friends- just fine acquaintances. They will always be pennies.

They are the ones that make fun of you for being different, judge you for enjoying your life, put you down for working too much, stop talking to you when they get a boyfriend but always want you to be on their command. They make up shit to get out of hanging with you- no money, no time, was there yesterday...bullshit. All of these are excuses- if at 35 you have no money, get another job; if you have no time, manage it better; if you were there yesterday- you can go fuck yourself since you obviously did not invite me....pennies.

If its all about building personal connections- why have these people in your life? They are a seasonal need. Odds are that person saying they don't have money is full of shit. They will call you to go shopping because that is what they enjoy. Do it. Go shopping. That is what they are useful for. Do not put them on the list for trips, or galas. They will say they cannot afford that, but when you need an expensive shopping trip or cross border experience, they will be down. That is their season.

What about that ass hole friend who makes shitty mistakes, but always treats you like you're the stupid one. This douche is probably the one that wants a sidekick- I call them kibbles and bits after the dog food commercial. Not because they are dogs....but...well...maybe it should be because they are dogs. Really, its because they think they are the alpha dog. In their mind you are the tiny dog hopping about. In my mind they are only worth a penny.


Kibbles is probably the type of friend that has a bad attitude and spends a lot of time judging others. They'll turn you into a side kick when they are truly not better than you in any way.  This friend probably is great for boozing and socializing so that is their season. Don't call this ass hole for advice or support. Hell don't even tell them about your weekend....your contact should be limited to "Let's get drunk" "OK" No dinners, no roadies, none of that friendship calibre shit. Just git drunk!! Heck this isn't even your contraband friend....kibbles is too judgemental for that shit....You know the kind...
Booze is ok..everything else is not....even though booze is horribly harmful.

Once you have sectioned off kibbles you are probably left with the super penny....the one who will hang out with you when she/he is single...Oh yes. They go through that break up and demand your emotional support- after weeks of dealing with their childish shit you call them to hang out and they say they are too busy with whatever excuse. Then of course they post pics on facebook with them busy having dinner with the family of the boy they just met. Yes you might have known them for years and had a friendship that required you to be supportive. Then that fucker decides that you're not good enough so she gets a boyfriend and focuses all her time on him.

This friend is very much a penny....do not get confused. When they have downtime she will use you. I am not even sure what season this can go with. I would add them to the kibbles pile. Heck it might even be the same person!!

Except this bitch likes contraband.

Yes, she will call for a banging girls night out and you can bring all the treats. You gotta pay because this bitch will make the old "I don't do it often enough to buy it" deal. Its all good, just stuff you would have done any way on your own. Now you have company. That's all this person is--company.They are literally seasonal since they will only use you for occasional times out or just for your single gal stories.

Well that covers some of the pennies. I'll cover quarters another day...but remember:

Yup. I am a relationship counsellor...friends are relationships...and sometimes they are just not that into you...remember that.

Single on a Saturday: Freedom 35!!!

When selfies go bad @taolasvegas

As lay recovering from yesterday's drinking in the sun and last night's Tao experience, I'm wondering if I'm too old to having this kind of fun?.....bah...I'm doing it up in better ways...still almost getting kicked out of clubs...still grabbing at men's butts...still losing expensive lippy in party places..still good times. But now I do bottle service, wear hotter heels, carry fast flats and go hard because I can.
No longer that young party chick on budget, now that older party lady with savings to burn. Tao kept up the birthday eve fun. Sexy bouncers, awesome music, nice bottle service area..hot men galore...oddly enough no pick up...seems to be the thing in Vegas....still it was quite fun...I have 5 years to plan the next mega bday....and one year to plan the next trip to Vegas ;)

Single on a Saturday: Casual sex done right!

Picture it:

You spend the night at your house with a friend. Going through the wine..and whatever other contraband you enjoy..then comes bed time..pick whichever time works for you- 1am…7am…what ever. The rest is good. Ah yes…score to the single gal…or guy. That at home nookie is great. No worries about a cab or cover or waiting in line. No need to create a pick up plan. That friend is in your home. Drinking with you…and then you bed.

Then you get up. The other side is empty.

For the most part you breathe fresh air, happy that you didn’t have to kick anyone out…but then you hear the water. Perhaps it’s the shower…even better…it’s the kitchen sink. Your dishes are being washed!!!

You were not only graciously laid, you didn’t even have to clean up after last night. 

Seriously awesome.

This is not an anomaly. It is happening.  I highly doubt it’s a regular thing, but it’s a thing. I have had experiences, and I know others that have. Their regular casual booties might straighten up the living room, clean up after the binge and /or do the dishes. 

Finding out how often this happens could be a great research project...right now I'm just calling it  an extension to my previous edition on Booty Call Etiquette. I guess it can be referred to as the Morning After Etiquette....yes...genius. (I am coining phrases that might never catch on....pass them on..!!)

Morning after etiquette works in all situations but its nice when there is a regular visitor (perhaps someone in your little black book) that cares enough to clean up after themselves on their way out. It could be their way of not leaving any evidence behind or their way of saying thanks for the bed. Maybe it's just a thanks for the sex. Whatever the case may be, they know they are on your list and that small gesture bumps them up to the top.

 Plus, at this point, it is a beneficial friends situation-- you only hang out when you want to have sex with them. Friends-with- Benefits puts the friend part first. In this situation the benefits come first. You call each other when horny and you go to dinner or just chill and watch movies...basically there are activities and then there is sex. The sex is going to come no matter what-- but you do stuff together to get the date going like true friends. 

Getting back to it..since your friendship is based on decent good times that happen occasionally, cleaning up the morning after should become a standard. It's not like you're sneaking out and hoping not to wake the person. You're planning on seeing this person again at some point. Make them want you back and, for those on the other side, use the morning after etiquette to rate your little black book. 

When casual sex is done right--all the way to the method of exiting the situation--then the beneficial friendship takes on a whole new 'no-strings-attached' level....a positive move. Single folk its time to make this a thing!!

Spring Fever is on!!

March 20 marked the first day of spring and, of course, the onset of the best illness ever—SPRING FEVER!

What is spring fever? well it is a commonly known time of the year when everything mates. I mean everything…birds, dogs, cats, people, bears..etc. There is this vibe in the air that you might not realize but suddenly you feel like meeting and mingling. You feel more encouraged to try out your pick up technique….or at least develop a plan.

This is an actual researched thing. The overriding theory is that as the warmer weather makes people feel a little more sexual. Their libido is in gear and taking over.

Spring fever can be an out- of- the- blue act-- where someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, but really enjoyed, messages you out of the blue to catch up. You probably haven’t seen them since last spring, and did not care to meet up with them for the whole year, but now you need to go for drinks with this person and your damn happy they reconnected.

Perhaps you are the out- of- the- bluer and not the bluee. You were sitting around thinking about the great dick/BJ/ tight hole/etc and thought “I wonder what that person is up to now?” It didn’t matter before, but you gotta get on Facebook and give a poke.

Not sure if this is spring fever or if you genuinely want to hang out with this person?  You know its spring fever when its: 1) March-May, 2)You don’t care to see a picture,  3)You suddenly start salivating from your genitals for no good reason (this one is very much a female indicator).

Is Spring Fever a problem? I think this all depends. It is really about how you feel about sex. I like the idea of letting loose once in a while to help release some mighty delicious hormones and for relaxation. It is also quite nice to have that skin to skin contact. Not just for relaxation but to feel positive. You might also like getting close to that significant person in your life- sure you’re probably charging at them in the most horny way, but deep down you love them and are happy to make them your spring fever (and life) focus.

Of course if you’re a sex addict this could be the worst time of the year. Not enough people to sleep with and its hard to fight the power. At this point seek your support network (you should have a sponsor if this is an addiction you want to kick).

Otherwise, have fun with it. Remember fertility and Venereal Diseases do not take a break in spring...stay protected..unless of course fertility and VD interests you ;)

Check out: Spring Fever is Here, Self Magazine: http://www.self.com/blogs/flash/2011/04/spring-fever-is-here-how-to-bo.html 

Single on a Saturday: The Art of the Pick- Up

This weekend’s socialite night was at a new place- myself and another SHC (single hot chick) started at the Thompson Hotel where I enjoyed a $25 shot of Patron Café….most expensive in the city but I’m worth it….and danced to some awesome tunes. We then met up with a friend of hers that was staying at the hotel. Talk about a magnificent view and beautiful suites. I felt like modern royalty in there.

After the high priced shot and the visit to the royal boudoir, we walked to a line- up that looked like good times. Not knowing the place, we inquired about it and was told that it was not associated with the Thompson, but they give guests special privileges just the same. Awesome…so past the line and down the stairs into 1812 we went. 

http://www.thompsonhotels.com/hotels/toronto/thompson-toronto/organize-a-gathering/1812-lounge

What an awesome time! Great music alongside a well-dressed and fun crowd. There was one guy with really bad BO who kept trying to dance with me but that was snipped in the bud. Nothing more unattractive than bad BO and misguided persistence. 

This brings me to the art of the pick-up. Yes the art. It is a practice that requires some version of finesse and a plan..along with a back-up plan. Think about it like a mission on The Unit or well laid plan from JR on Dallas. It is an art and to be successful you must think of it in this way.

Just flirting does not get you nookie. Heck, it all starts before you even go out. I like to summarize things in phases.  So for those of you that are artistically inclined here are some ideas that you can run with:

Phase One: Planning

You gotta know where you want to go and what type of crowd you want to be in

This requires finding out in advanced where you want to go or at least having a mindset of the crowd you want find your afterhours entertainment

Then you gotta dress the part –ya ya I know as someone with a background sexual sociopsychology I should be encouraging people to present their true selves and not change to fit in…BULLSHIT..this is picking up…as I said it is an art. If this were a performance or a recital you’d dress the part. It has nothing to do with being someone different- it has to do with being the best you. This might mean practising walking around in those high heels that you bought, but never had a place to wear. It might mean doing f’in laundry so you don’t stink like a bad episode. Could be making sure your long jacket is ready for your very short skirt (it is winter and I do still wear mini dresses, but long hooded coats are in so no worries). Whatever it means, just do it and remember your goal is to pick up….

Phase Two: Execution level 1

Ya now its starting to sound like a mission, eh?

This level is the initial stage of the pick up- it involves getting into whatever the pick up venue is and scoping out the scene.

Lavo bottle service

For me this is different depending on where I am. In Vegas it requires bottle service and scoping out the line when I strut past….and yes it is a strut. Not a clumpy walk or a foot drag, but a strut that shows off my legs and the two hot tats on the back of them. You can refer to this part as the catwalk. In Toronto it is the steps I take to scope out the line. Now I typically set up guestlist and my catwalk is from the cab to the doorman…same strut, even in winter.  Let’s look at this past Sat when we went to 1812. We sent the friend (the guy my friend met up with) to make sure we didn’t have to stand in line. We left our coats in the hotel room and he was nice enough to run over and ask if we could just come in. So we did. Still cold and jacketless- we strut.  When I hit up Brooklyn it is the same- get out the cab in front of the door, and wiggle on in to the venue (of course I really only go to places with a dancefloor and most of them have a line since dancefloors in this city are dying—so guestlist is necessary). 

Now this catwalk is a part of the pick-up. It is the advertising portion of the eve.  It is when you show your wears off to others so that you can have a pool of treats to pick from. This goes for both males and females. Once you’re in there is always a catwalk to the bar and a catwalk to the bathroom….and so on. It is your initial entrance and first exposure to others at the venue. It also allows you to see who is in and what they are like before you’ve dipped heavily into the intoxicants.

Phase three: Execution level 2

Now you have scoped out the club/bar/whatever and performed a great catwalk, or dancemove or just stood around. You gotta make some eye contact or start up a conversation with someone. This has to be strategic. A shitty pick up line will not work….something simple like “hey great music” is good for the shy ones….but it would be nice to open with something a little more conversation generating. For example, at the afterhours party the washroom line is always a good hub. It is unisex  and so what ever floats your boat is in a closed space for chatting….and everyone is chatty because it keeps you from thinking about peeing….plus, when you put it into perspective, its an afterhours and everyone is in a social mood.  In a regular setting just bumping into someone on a dancefloor can spark a chat—“wow this place is busy”..”so sorry I bumped into you, want a shot?”…and so on.

Phase four: Sealing the Deal

Phase three is short…or long…depending on how much you chat up the pick up. Sometimes there really is not conversation, just some rubbing on each other, eye contact and a kiss (or make out on the dancefloor). Phase four is actually taking this person home (or just getting their number) depending on what the goal of the mission is. I’ll be honest…my goal is always the nookie….sometimes the nookie and a number for follow up, but always the nookie. It’s the best relaxant and you can’t put that shit in a bottle….So I guess I can say that picking up for me is therapeutic. Yup..not slutting about…self-medicating (that will be another blog on defining ho-ing and sluttery).

Now this phase can take a pretty or ugly turn depending on the conversation. I call 2am last call for booty…because by 3am you have to be out and that gives you an hour to chat up someone if the person you were talking to has to go home (or is too drunk to perform).  In the end you need to seal the deal. This could be just asking for the person’s number and making plans for the next day (brunch anyone?) or it could be inviting them to the afterhours club or something else that is to happen within the next day. Now I say the next day because the pick up is something that has to be acted upon immediately. It is a time sensitive activity. That person might sober up and change their mind or realize that they are actually married and was just delighted to be hit on. At any rate you need to make the plans right away. If you’re getting the nookie then this is the time to leave together or plan the 6am meet up.

When it all goes wrong:

Let’s take stinky boy at 1812.

-did not put on clean items or spray with a little febreeze or use correct antiperspirant/deodorant

-his conversation was muddled and slurry and really just consisted of grabbing women and trying to dance on them

-he did not have a plan of action…there are always women willing and ready for any man. He needed to refine his phase 3 and find an appropriate target for the pickup…its an art remember, strategically placed activities over the course of the night.

So to summarize…plan a goal, dress for success and close the deal in a timely manner. That is the Art of the Pick-Up.