Single on a Saturday: Yes you need permission to touch me!

It's been a long time since my last post....well back to it!!! 

Sat night I went to a watering hole on College St...would not have been my first pick, but I was out with a friend and she said the music was good and I trust her judgement. I'm sure it would be, but it's the crowd I hate ... You know the types that hang in that district...Pushy,  Greasy, Handsey....wearing baseball caps....argh..

I'm sure it was great when I was 15yrs younger, and wasted before I left my apartment, but....

Getting back to it, I was standing at the bar and a guy comes up from behind me, puts his arm around me and says 'hey cutie'.... I responded with, 'do i know you?'. This moved into a conversation about how I'm weird because he needs permission to touch my shoulders...

Of course my friend steps in and makes up some girlie excuse about how I'm sweaty so that's why it's annoying. I was quick to let them both know I'm not going to a apologize for not wanting him to touch me. It's the principle of it.

How hard is it too respect someone enough to walk up their face and say hello?
This idiot even had the nerve to tell me he's a lawyer so I should be ok with that... And my friend is giggling along. Makes me wonder if I am unusual...nevermind...I know I'm not unusual for thinking that this was bullshit. I hang out at a lot of places and I'll be honest... Swingers clubs are the safest.

They have the idea of respect down and it is reiterated with every entry. It is enforced by patrons and staff a like. A men would know better than to do that and the ones that do not get it are reprimanded in some way.... Usually by getting kicked out. It's just a safer place for a single girl who hates negative, insulting partiers and likes to dance and isn't looking to pick up. I have been noticing this more and more, and find myself hanging out at Toronto's swing venues more often.

You don't even need to go for sex. Odd but true...you just gotta be open minded and comfortable around nudity. Places like M4 on Lakeshore Ave W have fully stocked bars and an amazing repertoire of cocktails. Hell, some times I just tell the bartender to make me something nice. I can get my dance on as there is usually a DJ and people say  hi before grabbing at me (or risk losing their party privileges). I'm not vilified or infantalized for hating when someone touches me without permission. It's just a more mature crowd for the most part and that's what I need for my time out! I'm not spending money so I can be treated like some 21 yr old ditz... I'm more than a decade off of that and I have no desire to go back.


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Rape should not be ok

We seem to have more of an issue with people breaking into cars than we do with people breaking into vagina's...

A few weeks ago it came out that Jian Ghomeshi possibly sexually assaulted someone. Dodgy things began to happen: He was fired from a unionized company and filed law suit through a private firm. He created an apology on his facebook page explaining how his behaviour was confused and that it was just him playing out BDSM fantasies and all the complainants were basically liers.
and then it began

the onslaught...the side picking...the bullshit

people defending him because he is a misunderstood sadist....

people defending him because women deserve it..

and then it grew

It expanded into a whole idea of  rape being under reported and poorly supported by the legal system.

And then I read something that brought me back to me.

The Man who killed his daughter's rapist: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-29901304

Yes. That is the only solution. Rape is under reported, but even if all were reported the results would be that great anyway.  There is always someone out there trying to discredit the victim. No matter the age, the defence is always that the victim did something to lead the other person on.

It is not logical, but it is happening.

There is only one equally logical response to this. Kill rapists.

I'm not joking. Kill the people that steal your soul and invade your sexuality. The legal way is not reliable. Let us review the stats:


Basically 3 assaults will find justice. And of course this probably does not apply to male victims and many different types of women.

So now can we talk murder?

I saw this chopping machine thing on Youtube that crushed a couch into nothing. We could toss them in there.I have a full plan.

The victim would call a hotline and a counsellor and crew would be dispatched. The crew consists of the hit person and cleaner. The counsellor would be a skilled sexual assault counsellor. They can attempt to detect the 4% of victims that lie (yes only 2-4% of accusations are determined to be made up). The other two are in charge of disposing the rapist. I recommend the victim try to commit the kill themself, but it is hard to do that when you are in shock or just trying to get away. So on the way out, they can just call a hotline. Talk to a counsellor and report what they remember

The counsellor can determine the trueness of the crime and the crew is dispatched.

Easy. No courts. No re-rape. No complicated funding structure. Just some mulch. Good for the environment. Great for society.

One aspect to reporting a rape is to get the person punished for it. I have solved that. Punishment--check; Public safety -- bonus check.  The other thought is that reporting is a way to get the rapist help and rehabilitation.

Look...the victim does not get a second chance to not be a victim. They have been violated. They will never get a way to unrape themsleves. So the rapist should not be allowed to have a second chance. They must have their safety and feeling of self taken away and the victim needs to feel in control again. It's only fair. All they had to do was listen to "no" or "stop" or "I don't like that" or similar.

If you don't agree with murder, then how about maiming? Just think about it....

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Ah .. I get it...and it sucks

Ok..so I get it now…remember when I discussed the advanced dancers in my beginner 1 pole class (check this link)? Well now I understand their pain. The pain of ‘the hottie that wants to be in advanced but still needs to build her strength in beginner 2 but only beginner 1 is available.’

Yup, that’s a thing now. I stand in the back corner hating every minute…hoping the instructor just ignores my irritated presence…..worst part is that it is the only pole class available to me…I don’t get a workout and sometimes I have to share a pole. I hate it. I’m miserable.

 I did not come to meet people and share life stories. I came to dance. I’ve sent emails and the Vixens have made it clear that I just gotta wait and hope….plus I cannot transfer the membership. Fine. Understandable. But I am wasting time…it’s not even the money…it’s the time. I’m not going to grow at all in beginner 1. That shit is for people who need to dip their feet in the pole water.

I like to jump right the fuck in….

I need a beginner 2 class…someplace to build my strength, learn some new moves and just dance it out….oh but wait....to do that I have to leave work early, or get up at 10 am on my only day off….fuck that shit.

Of course there are other classes- Pilate's, Chair dance, flex stuff, aerials…great…but that is what is filling my schedule and none of that has me dancing on a pole…...letting my sexy out on a safe, glass free dance floor….and, let’s face it, you can get that shit free from the Internet! I’m not paying $100 a month for that.

I guess I just need to turn my storage area into a studio…hmm….Dear Santa…..

In the meantime, any know of a pole studio that allows for a mostly pole schedule?!


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Really...I think I'm done with dating

So I've been on the online dating scene for a very long time. From Lava to Ashley to AFF and so on. I am finding it getting a bit childish and, since Fifty Shades came out, the NSA/FWB scene has become some odd morphed must be committed and in constant contact delusional atmosphere.

There are more men on the scene trying to have fun I guess, but want to still be in power. They use a serious amount of mind games (one guy told me I was too ignorant and had to fuck off...I'm guessing its because I did not stroke his ego in the ONE conversation we had). They do the put down thing and the whole "well we should try and just be us alone for a bit"...

FUCK YOU!!!

That is not what I signed up for. If you really think that you are a god's gift to women then find someone who has never dated or had sex before. No disappointment. Don't expect me to suddenly think that because you contacted me I must feel fantastic.....when did this become a thing and who is letting these guys think this?

Then apparently they have the right to let you know you are the stupid one for not doing what they want....I dunno...it's getting harder to find a decent partner in this mix.

The other issue I'm really struggling with are those idiots who read "Fifty Shades" and now want to fulfil some dark vanilla fantasy they read about.  (dark vanilla= vanilla things that vanilla people think are risky).

OMG!!

They ask stupid questions like "what was the craziest place you had sex" or "what is your ultimate fantasy"....

I cannot stress how stupid these things are to me. If you want to know what I am into that is fine, but don't act like I'm some show piece for you to experiment with. If you want to be taught then find a women who is into that..I am not.

For me, a partner must come with a level of maturity that includes being able to understand that my life is my life...not some chapter of a book that you will get over once you've crossed off some shit on your bucket list! I think it is very pathetic and not what I am interested in. I make this pretty clear on my profile....

Then why does it still happen....morons. I guess I have to find a new city to search through.....

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It's hard to party in a city that's shitty.

Ok so I’ve decided Toronto has become a very shitty pretentious city. Friday night I was

King West

having a conversation with some friends while walking down John St. to King west. Some ass stopped and interjected to correct us, but was not even on point with what we were talking about. That is the true sign of assholism. You can comment without being educated on a topic and you don’t care. Gaaaaa….

Even the service industry has fallen (but that has been on a steady shit decline since SARs). There was of course that jerk bartender at the Gladstone Hotel (the reason I don’t go in there at all and my friends know this so we make sure to avoid them).  Then there was a couple of nights ago at Bier Market where three bartenders decided that they were only going to service one end of one of the bars and do one drink at a time (a rookie mistake in the Toronto bar scene that seems to be happening everywhere).  I guess the night was too hard for them…Gaaaaa²

Seriously…it sickens me to think that this is the path the city is taking when it actually used to be a community and a place with character and manners…well a real Torontonian knows whose blame for the mega changes…rhymes with Ike Barris…..

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Slut

It is the slap in the face in high school when you didn’t go all the way, but he wanted a name for himself.

It is the kick in the stomach when your best friend decides she no longer wants to be your best friend.

It is the rape that occurs after the rape.

You slut

She’s a fucking slut

That bitch is such a slut

SLUT

my new unfavourite: I’m such a slut (said with glee)

Every time I hear this word it makes me cringe. It is as demeaning as calling a black person a nigger, a Spanish person spic, a Korean person a guk, a fat person a porker….I can go on, but you get the picture.

A woman is a slut. The word is not positive. It is not a term of endearment and only a privileged idiot would ever believe that woman can reclaim it as her own.

The word is a way to show degrading feelings towards women and it is not just young girls that are using it. I have heard grown men and women use slut as if it was not harmful. Shouting out slut when a name is stated or referring to someone’s style as slutty.  There is this new movement where girls and women proudly refer to themselves as sluts (as if it is some new form of feminism).

The purpose of the word was to put women down and it still does that.  No person is considered more seedy or worthless than the slut. That’s why she gets the name. A person finds her sexual self so repulsive that she isn’t even worthy of being called loose…she’s a slut.

Given the countless lives hurt or destroyed by this term and the weight it carries slut must be retired from our vocabulary.

First off: Women should no longer be singled out because of their sexual prowess. It is not anyone’s business what they do behind doors unless it impacts you directly. 

Second: Some women being called slut were actually sexually assault and then labelled. What gives anyone the right to re-assault them rather than help them (this goes into a much larger conversation about sexual assault and its acceptability in society). 

Thirdly: If you want to reclaim your sexual prowess and prove that you are happy living an unconstrained life, then find a new fucking word.  (unless of course you are actually ashamed of yourself. In which case you should seek other help.) Why abuse yourself when you can actually be powerful?!! Something like liberated in place of slut.

I understand that we now live in a lack luster and uncreative society, but if Oxford can add new words to its vocabulary then so can you.

Educate your damn self:
Slut!: Growing up Female with a Bad Reputation--Leora Tanenbaum (2000)

Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut-- Emily White (2002)

Check out the UnSlut Project: http://www.unslutproject.com/

When the sex is pretentious....

I don’t know what is happening with guys these days. Before  I go further , I am not out to man bash…just bash idiot men. The ones who are so pretentious that you can hear their conceit from a mile away.   What are these guys thinking…oh wait..I know. They are thinking “I’m awesome and you’re lucky I’m a live”. Even the sex is pretentious. He is so into what he considers pleasuring you—it’s a weird combination of facial expressions, odd bendy moves and him grunting “that’s good right” …hahahahaha…no, it’s really not funny.  It’s actually kind of sad. There has been a rush to blame porn for giving them unrealistic ideas of what a good lay is.  I don’t blame porn though, I blame arrogance. And not the usual arrogance, but the kind of arrogance that makes you think you’re better than a porn star and know so much about what makes someone feel good that you don’t need to ask (or take instruction).  

It sickens me to think that women and men have been subjected to this and leave the situation under satisfied. The solution is simple. Stop that shit in progress. This does take confidence and the comfort knowing that your partner is not keep going.  but you could always finish unsatisfied and not call him again. Whatever your tactic, stick to it.  you’ll gradually become more assertive and these men will gradually learn that their options are limited when they are assholes. 

Besides, there is so much better stuff out there, why settle for pretentious sex.

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Single on a Saturday: Oh that Cats of Two..

I have finally recovered. Now let’s talk Saturday.

So 2CatsCocktail lounge was a favorite hotspot of mine many moons ago. I took a break from it for a few years. Then they renovated and once again my love for it has begun to flourish. I have mentioned it a few times in these blogs, but this time it needs its own space.

There is no bar that leads to memory loss as much as 2Cats has.  I wake up safely at 9am at home in my PJs, but I remember nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Sunday morning, as I was reconnecting with the party mates re:the night before, they both tossed around a new sort-of slogan: 2Cats is the blackhole of Toronto…You remember going in, but never coming out. Interesting. I keep saying we need a video camera or take more selfies, just to retrace the night.

Its always a good time at 2Cats and you just forget that you are drinking liquor. This is the place for social people. Even in its new expanded form it is crowded in all of the right spots. The dance floor is where you make it and everyone is ok with that. You’re always chatting to the people near you, smile as you push past the crowd to the bathroom. ..oh and the best part is that there is never a bathroom line!!!!! I think I would have just as much fun while sober there, but life’s a celebration filled with fine wine (and vodka). Good times had by all- the perfect recipe for forgetting.

When I look back I only stopped going because of the line up. Now I only go if it is a  pre-set destination (I will no longer bar hop on King West. Not worth the time waiting in lines). I go out earlier and get back home sooner….hahaha or so is the plan, but that never happens. I get there at 10:30 and still troll home at past 4am..I actually was walking out there carrying my shoes…Arctic Monkeys fans will get that one. I got in a cab and came home…

Or so I assume.

Kicking up heels on Canada Day..

I’m sorry to say this…but WTF Toronto!!!! Not all of us have cottages at this time! Some of us are in the city on a holiday eve and looking for a place to smashed at….gaahhh.

Yes I am frustrated. What does this frustration stem from..well. Picture it: June 30 2014…it is a Monday night and bunch of drunken cool ppl are out….trying to get our dance and drink on.

We all had July 1st off..Hell the whole country had the next day off!

How is it that on the night of a holiday a party was so hard to find?!!! We were in the east end and all the usuals were closed…. More closures than dancefloors.  Nonesense.

….but the country bar was open. Yes…I went to Boots andBurbon…

Not my cup of tea, but I am glad they were around. Hot men, good drinks, great bartenders…can’t go wrong! Heck I even learnt how to line dance…sort of…

I gotta say, that was awesome. Kind of felt nice getting out of my usual comfort spots. I typically don't go east, but this summer is about experiencing new good times...all the boot scootin boogie times.