The WKKK: The first wave of feminism

Thanks to my sister for sending this article to me. It is an interesting read about the measures that the women of klu klux klan took that truly show earlier examples of feminism at work. She asked me my opinion and I stated (with all honesty):

Very interesting.. I've felt that feminism was inherently racist add is was created for

Privileged white women... Black women were always servants or maids etc while white counterparts went to university to talk about freeing women's shakles...

Her response:
*slowclap Well said


Feminism has a colour....read some bell hooks and think about those margins...

Here is the article:

Feminism: Today’s Women’s Ku Klux Klan

By David Usher, on November 8th, 2014

http://intellectualconservative.com/feminism-todays-womens-ku-klux-klan/

The Miss Nicole Bucket Challenge

I took the challenge down to direct your attention to this:

Follow @MsNicolesBits

When the sex is pretentious....

I don’t know what is happening with guys these days. Before  I go further , I am not out to man bash…just bash idiot men. The ones who are so pretentious that you can hear their conceit from a mile away.   What are these guys thinking…oh wait..I know. They are thinking “I’m awesome and you’re lucky I’m a live”. Even the sex is pretentious. He is so into what he considers pleasuring you—it’s a weird combination of facial expressions, odd bendy moves and him grunting “that’s good right” …hahahahaha…no, it’s really not funny.  It’s actually kind of sad. There has been a rush to blame porn for giving them unrealistic ideas of what a good lay is.  I don’t blame porn though, I blame arrogance. And not the usual arrogance, but the kind of arrogance that makes you think you’re better than a porn star and know so much about what makes someone feel good that you don’t need to ask (or take instruction).  

It sickens me to think that women and men have been subjected to this and leave the situation under satisfied. The solution is simple. Stop that shit in progress. This does take confidence and the comfort knowing that your partner is not keep going.  but you could always finish unsatisfied and not call him again. Whatever your tactic, stick to it.  you’ll gradually become more assertive and these men will gradually learn that their options are limited when they are assholes. 

Besides, there is so much better stuff out there, why settle for pretentious sex.

Follow @MsNicolesBits

Single on a Saturday: Oh that Cats of Two..

I have finally recovered. Now let’s talk Saturday.

So 2CatsCocktail lounge was a favorite hotspot of mine many moons ago. I took a break from it for a few years. Then they renovated and once again my love for it has begun to flourish. I have mentioned it a few times in these blogs, but this time it needs its own space.

There is no bar that leads to memory loss as much as 2Cats has.  I wake up safely at 9am at home in my PJs, but I remember nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Sunday morning, as I was reconnecting with the party mates re:the night before, they both tossed around a new sort-of slogan: 2Cats is the blackhole of Toronto…You remember going in, but never coming out. Interesting. I keep saying we need a video camera or take more selfies, just to retrace the night.

Its always a good time at 2Cats and you just forget that you are drinking liquor. This is the place for social people. Even in its new expanded form it is crowded in all of the right spots. The dance floor is where you make it and everyone is ok with that. You’re always chatting to the people near you, smile as you push past the crowd to the bathroom. ..oh and the best part is that there is never a bathroom line!!!!! I think I would have just as much fun while sober there, but life’s a celebration filled with fine wine (and vodka). Good times had by all- the perfect recipe for forgetting.

When I look back I only stopped going because of the line up. Now I only go if it is a  pre-set destination (I will no longer bar hop on King West. Not worth the time waiting in lines). I go out earlier and get back home sooner….hahaha or so is the plan, but that never happens. I get there at 10:30 and still troll home at past 4am..I actually was walking out there carrying my shoes…Arctic Monkeys fans will get that one. I got in a cab and came home…

Or so I assume.

The Case of the Bad Kiss

I'm just going to lay it out for you- bad kissing is a turn off. Now I will accept that the measure of good kissing is a personal taste. I will say that when my taste is not satisfied it is a real turn off.
What is bad kissing? What kind of kiss can take you from wet to dry? Well here are some signs to look out for:

1) My nose is in your mouth...I don't want to smell your spit or be blow your gum out of my nostril. My lips , as big as they are, are located in a normal part of my body-outside of my nose.

2) Your nose is in my mouth...that's just gross.

3)  I make that squirmy squished face look that people give when they smell something bad..this mainly occurs because I am overwhelmed with trying to figure out what the hell you're doing with your tongue and why you've decided to do it.

4) You treat my lips like some kind of chewy candy...I'm going to let you know my lips are made of people. Yup a human being is the material. Not sugar or caramel...I'm not really chocolate and I do not appreciate you trying to make what should be a fun and passionate thing into 'fun times at Willy Wonka's'!

5) I'm distant....hell I sat there thinking about the kissing rules while trapped in a deranged spit swap under some bad kisser. Yes gentlemen your partner could be thinking of those things just to get through the moment. Quite possibly he/she is waiting and wishing you'd be over or move to another part of the body. Your partner might be planning the shopping list, sorting out some stumping tax question, or thinking "who am I calling after to fix this mess".

I think these five areas are good start in understanding when you are doing it wrong, but how do you make it right?

Well its simple- you can ask your partner or you can just figure that the kiss isn't all about you. Sure you might like jamming your spit enthralled tongue into someone else's mouth, but they might not and you should consider easing into that shit.

Or when you are licking parts of the body that are not my mouth rinse you mouth out first- I don't eat myself out for a reason and it has nothing to do with flexibility.

Kissing should enhance the passion and can be very decent for play. It should involve the whole body and make a person want the other person more. I should not involve me trying to avoid having my upper lip swallowed while my bottom lip avoids nasty stubble.

Take note and practice your methods- because I won't usually tell you that you've done it wrong...I just won't contact you ever again...All you've done is helped the back up guy become the first call... until of course I remember why he was the back up..then I just get a new front runner...but its still not going to be you.

Check out this article from Marie Claire- It let me know that I'm not the only one thinking this!!!
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/bad-kiss-mistakes

Single on a Saturday: 3 am is a booty call not a boyfriend

I can't listen to any more young women talk about the love of their life, whom they really only see after the bar closes. They don't party together, they don't go on dates, they just wait to hook up at the end of the night. Folks this is not a boyfriend/significant other/soul mate...this is some dude who did not get lucky and is now calling you to fill a void.

There is nothing wrong with having friends with benefits. Let's face it, those are often the best friends in times of hunger. But do not get them confused with a dedicated heart felt relationship. You should not expect any commitment from the booty call and this person is not a potential life partner. Hell, this person is just an extended one night stand and in a few weeks/months/sessions you won't even call to them...or they won't care to call you.

That is when you just have to let it slide. Do not cry over them or fill up their voice mail and email with your whiny nonsense. Just go out to the bar and find a new one. In fact you should have one already set to go and a back up in the wings!!

Now I can lay down some sex therapist psychobabble, but I think it is safe to say that if someone only wants to see when they did not luck out at the bar then they are not seeking you for a long term monogamous caring relationship. This is about fucking. Just look at what surrounds the 3am booty call:
1. This person has been out drinking all night..possibly for 6 hours or more
2. Last call is at 2am and typically at this time all the in club booty hook ups complete
3. They didn't call you to come out or meet while out...they waited to call you at 3am!

Sometimes you just have to be glad for the commitment free sex. If you are not, then you need to be honest with yourself and start hunting for someone that suits those needs. Make this year to evaluate what you want from a relationship and how you will make that happen. Remember that bars are a great place to meet all sorts of people, but you gotta stay focused on your goals!!

Looking to get over your hangups? Here is a suggested read:

He's Just Not That Into You: Greg Behrendt, ‎Liz Tuccillo - 2007

An app for that

Oh yes the gracious fertility app.  I was a bit of a skeptic at first. I work in sexual health education and counselling and I feel as though the app forces women to put their faith in technology not learn what they need to know about tracking their fertility. 

I have been moving up from my old school ways and starting to rely on technology for a lot of the sexual health stuff I discuss. It started with referring websites to letting women on the Nuvaring know that they have an ap for that. I figured this was a way for those with true organizational difficulty to keep track of their birth control.

Well I have decided to do more research into these fertility trackers. I am an ethnographic type of researcher so I simply joined a group of many women and have downloaded the Fertility Friend. There is actually more to it than expected. It does give an option to enter the cervical fluid, spotting, dates of intercourse, and temperature. If you take it seriously and add something everyday it could be really useful.
I think it also gives women a chance to realize that natural family planning is not simply marking your period on a calendar or just avoiding sex right before you think your period may come. (heehee...that one makes me laugh). Don't get me wrong- I do not support condom free sex unless you are willing to accept what ever choices follow. I do support avoiding getting pregnant when you are not ready.

So I'm going to use this thing. It means I can just put things into my phone without having to write it down. Give me about three months and we'll see how it goes...any suggestions send them my way: @msnicolesbits