Sex on a first date

Someone sent this across my way:

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

Awesome article!! The main thing to take in is that if you are sacrificing having sex with someone for the sake of looking pure then you might be wasting your time. I read "The Rules" and even attempted to follow them, but I could not. I cannot be that lady.

Sex itself is a healthy thing for the body. It hopefully leads to an orgasm or a rush of body chemicals the ends up with you feeling elated and tired. Assuming it goes well and there aren't any medical/other issues involved.

If you want technical reasons then look up these lovely chemicals:
Oxytocin: This is a hormone that the body releases during orgasm. This releases endorphins and brings a sense of elation to the body. It makes you happy.
Prolactin: A hormone mainly linked to lactation (breast feeding)
Dopamine: Another (blessed) side effect of orgasm, dopamine is a hormone released 

Of course there is the emotional side of things. The skin to skin contact can be comforting and being with someone might make you feel closer to them (or just feel good for the sake of feeling good).

All of these things are not great excuses for pressuring someone to have sex on a first date...they are just positive rationalizations. Now.... things can get iffy.

Some people see sex as a way to solidify a relationship. Sex on a first date is probably not a good idea in this situation. The first date may be the last and the sex was not intended as a connection. Then there are those who have sex addictions- a real issue. This might cause someone to have sex on a first date for no reason and then feel like shit afterwards. That is also a bad idea. There are also people that have difficulty coming to orgasm or have pain during sex (such as vaginismus). Also hard times for sex on a first date. These situations require a lot more from a partner than a quick meeting can provide.

Overall, sex on a first date can be great thing, but should not bea pressure. Do what what you're most comfortable with and do it safely.....and if you like it--do it often.


Sources:
Cool article in Chatelaine (and there is mention of Beverly Whipple, an awesome sexual scientist): http://www.chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/more-sex-is-the-secret-to-a-longer-healthier-life/
Video:http://youtu.be/sSOFtSG6nDo

Spring Fever is on!!

March 20 marked the first day of spring and, of course, the onset of the best illness ever—SPRING FEVER!

What is spring fever? well it is a commonly known time of the year when everything mates. I mean everything…birds, dogs, cats, people, bears..etc. There is this vibe in the air that you might not realize but suddenly you feel like meeting and mingling. You feel more encouraged to try out your pick up technique….or at least develop a plan.

This is an actual researched thing. The overriding theory is that as the warmer weather makes people feel a little more sexual. Their libido is in gear and taking over.

Spring fever can be an out- of- the- blue act-- where someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, but really enjoyed, messages you out of the blue to catch up. You probably haven’t seen them since last spring, and did not care to meet up with them for the whole year, but now you need to go for drinks with this person and your damn happy they reconnected.

Perhaps you are the out- of- the- bluer and not the bluee. You were sitting around thinking about the great dick/BJ/ tight hole/etc and thought “I wonder what that person is up to now?” It didn’t matter before, but you gotta get on Facebook and give a poke.

Not sure if this is spring fever or if you genuinely want to hang out with this person?  You know its spring fever when its: 1) March-May, 2)You don’t care to see a picture,  3)You suddenly start salivating from your genitals for no good reason (this one is very much a female indicator).

Is Spring Fever a problem? I think this all depends. It is really about how you feel about sex. I like the idea of letting loose once in a while to help release some mighty delicious hormones and for relaxation. It is also quite nice to have that skin to skin contact. Not just for relaxation but to feel positive. You might also like getting close to that significant person in your life- sure you’re probably charging at them in the most horny way, but deep down you love them and are happy to make them your spring fever (and life) focus.

Of course if you’re a sex addict this could be the worst time of the year. Not enough people to sleep with and its hard to fight the power. At this point seek your support network (you should have a sponsor if this is an addiction you want to kick).

Otherwise, have fun with it. Remember fertility and Venereal Diseases do not take a break in spring...stay protected..unless of course fertility and VD interests you ;)

Check out: Spring Fever is Here, Self Magazine: http://www.self.com/blogs/flash/2011/04/spring-fever-is-here-how-to-bo.html 

The New Prostitution

To start, give a listen to some or all of this podcast....its interesting. Then continue to my discussion...

Podcast: Sterilize Addicts 

 (~37min)

So the podcast starts by talking about the cost of child abuse in the United States and it costs more than they spend on education. This is interesting…I think the focus should be on how little is spent on education, but that is a story for another blog. Let us talk about this Barbara Harris.  The biological mother of 6 with 4 adopted black children of addicted mothers with her organization (CRACK) that intends to prevent child abuse…..or so she claims.

The claim is that you can end a cycle of neglect and abuse by preventing addicts from having children (she also wants to set up in Kenya to control people with AIDS so that a child does not have to live in that lifestyle). So she is bribing addicted women with drug money to give up their fertility. She buys their reproductive choice with $300 for getting sterilized and $200 for birth control. Plus there is a $50 referral fee if your friend goes along (I guess drug addicts prefer to  travel to the the sterilization clinic in pair). 

No rehab, no counselling….just a desperate woman being paid to do something to her body that she would not have done sober. Who knew saving children was all about buying off other people’s reproduction?! BTW, Medicaid pays for the actual procedure....

Even if you have become clean you were a drug addict so you should prevent yourself from getting pregnant anyway. Harris does not believe that reproduction is a right.

Harris' bus,Source:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8071664/Drug-addict-sterilised-for-cash-but-can-Barbara-Harris-save-our-babies.html

Let's be honest, this mission is not about ending child abuse- it’s too simplistic of a response. It really is more about controlling the reproductive choices of women that Harris has determined are inferior to her. Face it, when women that are homeless and drug addicted get pregnant there are very few options for them. Heck, getting pregnant was most likely the result of their lack of life options. As well, more often than not, they are not allowed to keep their children and the babies are removed from their custody at birth. 

The other part of this is-- what about the healing time? Are they just sent back
home to their unsuitable lifestyle? What about infections? So many questions.

With the money that this group is putting into “eradicating child abuse” they could support a rehab and parenting centre so that these women can get a second a chance. Provide positive support rather than enable their habit.

But we all know this is not about eradicating child abuse. Child abusers do not always live on the street; they don’t always take drugs. When you expand your thinking you realize not all people that do drugs are child abusers. Some are great with children. Some have other supports and this helps them.

I think what outrages me more than everything else is that this is a process that is specifically designed to oppress women.

Men don’t have the option of being sterilized. What about the johns that take advantage of drug addicted women; the ones who give her $10 for bareback and don't pull out.?

What about those jerks that got her pregnant in the first place.

These assholes aren’t even being arrested. Now the women have another person using them for her own selfish superego. A woman nonetheless!

Now let us get back the whole idea of ending child abuse. How about we target the source of the abuse or the addiction? Or is that too complex and not enough of a television bite? I guess it would make people realize that there are several different environments that are not the ideal for raising a child. Or maybe Barbara just likes being in control of “crack whores”…does that make her a pimp?

Further information:

Is it legal to sterilize addicts: http://people.howstuffworks.com/is-it-legal-to-sterilize-addicts.htm

CRACK Uses Unethical Tactics to Stop Women with Substance Abuse Problems: http://www.cwpe.org/node/56

Celebrate WCD with Intense Sensation

So today marks another World Contraception Day. This day was set to make sure youth knew their birth control options, but it is a good idea for everyone to be thinking about contraception and the prevention of unwanted pregnancies.

There are many options available to women and men in Canada, but the easiest and least expensive would be condoms. These come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some are ribbed while others have twisty patterns. They do not all fit the same- well not all penises (or penis toys) are the same.

When men feel that the condom is too tight, you gotta respect their sensitivities and give them something to work with. Many people turn to larger condoms like the Magnum from Trojan or multiple 54+mm options offered by Durex. Sometimes, however,  the whole condom does not have to be larger- just the head.

Visit Trojancondoms.com for more info

In those cases I recommend Trojan's Intense. So far it receives the most support from people that I have suggested it to. The condom shaft is a normal size, but the head is much larger. This provides greater comfort for men who feel that regular condoms are just too tight at the top. The looseness of the head material also adds to their sensation.

If these are too tight in the shaft then by all means get a larger condom, but if you just need a little head room then go for these. If the condom itself is too big you run the risk of having it fall off. Nobody likes that worry!!

Have a very happy World Contraception Day!

_____________________
Want to know more about contraceptive options in Canada? Check out sexualityandu.ca

More about World Contraception Day ca be found at: http://www.your-life.com/en/home/media-center/world-contraception-day/

BTW: no one has paid me for any posts on this site...although I am open to it!

After Tiller

Last spring during the annual Hot Docs Festival I was lucky to view the movie "After Tiller". Named after the famous Dr. George Tiller (murdered in 2009), it documents the life of doctors that do late term abortions and goes slightly into undersatnding their patients. No matter what side of the choice you are on, it cannot be denied that this movie is an eye opener.

Something that is not mentioned is that many Canadian women go to these clinics as well. Third trimester abortion doctors do not exist in Canada. Ontario has the highest limit at 24 weeks (6 months). Women that want/need to terminate a pregnancy after that (either out of medical necessity or mental health) will most likely find themselves having to go to the United States to one of the doctors in the documentary.  Sometimes they have the option of inducing contractions and birthing a still born. This all depends on timing and any medical issues.

The documentary does not go into detail about this, but it does point out some interesting stuggles for the doctors and the patients. Overall a very well filmed doc that I think should be viewed by anyone wanting to know more about late term abortions. It'll make you feel something- sad, happy, stressed...-something.

If you wanna see it, After Tiller will be at  Bloor Hot Docs Cinema on October 4, 2013.

A celebration of the life of Dr. Morgentaler

Sorry for not posting lately...things came up. Stay tuned for some insightful work on affairs, condoms and all that other good stuff. In the meantime:


 

A Celebration of the life of Dr. Henry Morgentaler

The Great Hall, Hart House, 7 Hart House Circle, University of Toronto

Friday July 19th, 7 pm (doors open at 6:30pm)
https://www.facebook.com/events/140295512835867/