Single on a Week Day

So my daytime holiday drinking buddy went away and left me to my own devices. Of course that means I get to partake in my favourite pastime of drinking alone. On Tuesday, I decided to go some place new-a local brewpub. Ok so I won't say the place, but if you read my twitter you might figure it out. Now, I've decided to analyze it from the single traveller point of view- kinda like a spy on Bar Rescue...heehee.

I walked in and was not acknowledged- yes it was busy, but a simple 'I'll be right with you' would work. I asked if I could just sit at the bar as one of the servers passed me by. At the bar area, there was no atmosphere...one small tv and a list of beers to read.... plus no social interaction from bartenders. Not a good scene to hit as a single. Even though my beer and mac n cheese were delicious, I'll most likely not go back.  I just think that hospitality is about treating the customer as though you are interested in their business and want to have them back. I did not feel that there, so perhaps I'm not the clientele they want.

Here are a few things to build your social skills behind the bar..
1.Ask relevant/stimulating questions: what brings you here, how you enjoying the flight, how's the trip going?..
2. Be sincere. Bartending is a people business, acting like you are too good for customers leaves you without any.
3. Take note of the crowd: see who is alone, see who had a birth day, be aware of the first dates, observe and upsell or suggest or chitchat appropriately,
4. And if you are a brew house...have your brew lines in stock for sale!!!

Why do this job if you're not going to do it right! (plus tips are better if you're attentive)

Single on a Saturday: Dinosaurs and Rugby Players

Well it’s the summer and to celebrate I hit up the solstice party at the ROM. It was the theme for this week’s Friday Night Live.  (If you haven’t heard of it, look it up). To start, I decided to go dressed for a sundowner in this mighty find from HonestEd’s

…I have no problem with letting people know I paid $3.99 for a hot summer dress….

We pre-purchased tickets- which is highly recommended for this event- and only stayed in line for a short time. I know I’ve said it before, but this is a great time for $14!! Live bands, DJ’s and you can tour around the museum. Crazy  good times. I think the best part is I can regulate my drinking by buying a limited number of tickets and then leave around 10:30pm thus avoiding the drunken state of affairs that 2am in a bar brings (even though we did end up pub hoping on West Queen West afterwards).

My Hot Date ;)

I cannot promote it enough. Next Friday is the Pride themed party.

So that was Friday night…then came Saturday. Not much to say about Saturday. I had tickets for a Canadian Wolverines Rugby game at Lamport Stadium. I think everyone had free tickets to this thing and the stadium still was not full…of course there still seemed to be a nonsensically long line for everything. We waited 20mins in line for drink tickets (after waiting 15mins in line for washroom) and then left. It was not worth sticking around for unless we’d be able to BYOB.

I gotta say one main thing about this: as much as I support alcohol free events, I don’t attend them. I like to drink and the I pee and I need a venue that supports this. Unfortunately, this game had none of that. I was not even interested in getting settled and flirting with the otherwise decent ambiance. Shame on that!

…and they gave free tickets for the next game. Hmm… I probably won’t be attending that…

Sex on a first date

Someone sent this across my way:

Why You Should Always Have Sex on a First Date

Awesome article!! The main thing to take in is that if you are sacrificing having sex with someone for the sake of looking pure then you might be wasting your time. I read "The Rules" and even attempted to follow them, but I could not. I cannot be that lady.

Sex itself is a healthy thing for the body. It hopefully leads to an orgasm or a rush of body chemicals the ends up with you feeling elated and tired. Assuming it goes well and there aren't any medical/other issues involved.

If you want technical reasons then look up these lovely chemicals:
Oxytocin: This is a hormone that the body releases during orgasm. This releases endorphins and brings a sense of elation to the body. It makes you happy.
Prolactin: A hormone mainly linked to lactation (breast feeding)
Dopamine: Another (blessed) side effect of orgasm, dopamine is a hormone released 

Of course there is the emotional side of things. The skin to skin contact can be comforting and being with someone might make you feel closer to them (or just feel good for the sake of feeling good).

All of these things are not great excuses for pressuring someone to have sex on a first date...they are just positive rationalizations. Now.... things can get iffy.

Some people see sex as a way to solidify a relationship. Sex on a first date is probably not a good idea in this situation. The first date may be the last and the sex was not intended as a connection. Then there are those who have sex addictions- a real issue. This might cause someone to have sex on a first date for no reason and then feel like shit afterwards. That is also a bad idea. There are also people that have difficulty coming to orgasm or have pain during sex (such as vaginismus). Also hard times for sex on a first date. These situations require a lot more from a partner than a quick meeting can provide.

Overall, sex on a first date can be great thing, but should not bea pressure. Do what what you're most comfortable with and do it safely.....and if you like it--do it often.


Sources:
Cool article in Chatelaine (and there is mention of Beverly Whipple, an awesome sexual scientist): http://www.chatelaine.com/health/sex-and-relationships/more-sex-is-the-secret-to-a-longer-healthier-life/
Video:http://youtu.be/sSOFtSG6nDo

Single on a Saturday: 3 am is a booty call not a boyfriend

I can't listen to any more young women talk about the love of their life, whom they really only see after the bar closes. They don't party together, they don't go on dates, they just wait to hook up at the end of the night. Folks this is not a boyfriend/significant other/soul mate...this is some dude who did not get lucky and is now calling you to fill a void.

There is nothing wrong with having friends with benefits. Let's face it, those are often the best friends in times of hunger. But do not get them confused with a dedicated heart felt relationship. You should not expect any commitment from the booty call and this person is not a potential life partner. Hell, this person is just an extended one night stand and in a few weeks/months/sessions you won't even call to them...or they won't care to call you.

That is when you just have to let it slide. Do not cry over them or fill up their voice mail and email with your whiny nonsense. Just go out to the bar and find a new one. In fact you should have one already set to go and a back up in the wings!!

Now I can lay down some sex therapist psychobabble, but I think it is safe to say that if someone only wants to see when they did not luck out at the bar then they are not seeking you for a long term monogamous caring relationship. This is about fucking. Just look at what surrounds the 3am booty call:
1. This person has been out drinking all night..possibly for 6 hours or more
2. Last call is at 2am and typically at this time all the in club booty hook ups complete
3. They didn't call you to come out or meet while out...they waited to call you at 3am!

Sometimes you just have to be glad for the commitment free sex. If you are not, then you need to be honest with yourself and start hunting for someone that suits those needs. Make this year to evaluate what you want from a relationship and how you will make that happen. Remember that bars are a great place to meet all sorts of people, but you gotta stay focused on your goals!!

Looking to get over your hangups? Here is a suggested read:

He's Just Not That Into You: Greg Behrendt, ‎Liz Tuccillo - 2007

Coke vs Cock

Well I think it is time I started addressing some common health issues that inflict the clubs. This is basically my single on a Saturday health tip.

As the title suggests this is about the impact that cocaine has on male sexual functioning. Let's be honest here, cocaine is in full effect in most Toronto clubs..hell I'll even go so far to say in every club/pub/bar/nightlife establishment there is at least one person busting rails in the bathroom...and it is probably two considering how much of a social drug it is.

What does this mean for lovers of the penis? Well....hours of fucking without an end. Yup that's the basic effect. You see, cocaine can actually be considered an aphrodisiac. It makes you horny. For men, they want that sex when they get high and can probably get a pretty decent hard on....might not be the best one, but it works. Then they have all the energy in the world because coke is a stimulant.

The hold up might come hours after he has already rawed out the vag or anus that he's been enjoying. There is this sudden (but not too sudden since there has been probably a few hours of sex at this point) realization that he can't cum. Delayed ejaculation is one of the side effects. All the friction in the world often can't help it.

There is hope gentlemen. You really just have to wait it out. Go as much as you can (or as much as partner can handle)-- use decent lube for comfort. Then take a break and rest it off. Wake-up sex is just as delicious!!!  If you cannot sleep, then just enjoy the body contact (the contact they makes you both/all feel wonderful). To the partner, just show love and understanding. This is not a sign of long term impotence, for most men it is temporary.

Remember there is no point in trying to break records if all you're doing is killing the pleasure. 

Resources:
Web MD "Cocaine and its effects": http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/cocaine-use-and-its-effects
University of Arizona "Health Effects of Cocaine" http://methoide.fcm.arizona.edu/infocenter/index.cfm?stid=212

Single on a Saturday: Sausage with a side of meatballs

Is it just me or did Toronto have a huge influx of men in the bars this weekend?

Not complaining, just saying…and it was good times. Let’s take it from the top.

Friday, after the shittiest work week so far, I went to a friend’s bday get together at Encore-- up near Dovercourt and Dupont. I walked down a scary dark road, that I probably should have not walked down, and made it to this jamming party. Great DJ playing great old school tunes. Men….mostly men at the bar. I didn’t think anything of it then. I just enjoyed my booze and reconnecting with people I know.

I then toddled off to PJ O’briens on Colbourne for a hot whiskey and to celebrate with other friends. This is where it became apparent that Toronto was taken over by men. Men with ugly mo’s, but men just the same. The place was packed with them. I shifted my way to the bar to meet up with the ladies.  

Click on picture for Hot Whiskey info

So my one hot whisky turned into several. It was nice to just hang out and chit chat. There was one annoying guy  that must have really thought being sarcastic and unsexy was a the best way to get into bed with someone. He played the cockblocker. I tried to entertain and have fun with his dance floor antic, but he kept holding my hand (or trying). I wasn’t that drunk and not that into touching him. Eventually I started to ignore him.  Unfortunately, most of the other men at the bar were not as social (or were perhaps dismayed).

That pub used to be a great place to pick up hot Irish men as you dance to a live Irish Folk band.  Tonight there was not such a vibe. No Irish men (beyond the bartenders) and no Irish band. It was almost like being at a wedding reception…maybe it was a reception and we just did not realize it. Whoops.

Now let’s shuffle on to Saturday when two singles decided it was time to be out all night. Yup this was a 9am-er. I met up with my friend over in the Queen West area. I have been turned off of this neighbourhood before, but tonight was different. It was definitely an all-time best.

We started at …um…I don`t know the name of the place. It was on Queens West somewhere west of Beaconsfield. It was a nice little place with a DJ and bar. That`s all I needed on Saturday.  My Patron Café was only $9 and it was delicious! It wasn`t busy, but the male: female ratio was higher than the place before. 

We chatted and then moved down the street. Nice and random…and I cannot remember the name of the second place.  Good music, $4 tequila shots, and men men men…. At this point in the night we were doing shots and taling travel with a guy at the bar. Nice local type of place; the bartender knew him by name!!  I really hope we find it again.

Then we wondered to Brooklynn, but it was full…and there was a line. 

I do not stand in lines. As far as I'm concerned, 20 years of clubbing is worth being able to walk on in.

We hustled off to another bar…the Gladstone. After my last experience (See the Nuit Blah Edition) I did not want to go, but there wasn`t a line up and it was karaoke and that it is always fun times. I don`t sing but I love dancing to it.

After one drink we decided it was time to try Brooklynn again. Of course at this point there is no line up. Now here is where it all gets crazy…the man to lady ratio was somewhere in the area of 5:1. Great odds…great odds….I think it is also safe to mention that they were not pretentious or ugly. I was definitely satisfied. The music was great and everyone was so social.Did I mention the men were hot. Just saying. I haven't seen a lot of hot men in this city in a while...especially concentrated in one room!

I danced off steam; socialized; I loved it and went on to the after hours. Made it to my home at 9:30am after a mini walk of shame...that's how single gals (should) do it.

I feel like I'm getting my groove back...f-you horrible week, I win!!!