Single on a Saturday: The Art of the Pick- Up

This weekend’s socialite night was at a new place- myself and another SHC (single hot chick) started at the Thompson Hotel where I enjoyed a $25 shot of Patron Café….most expensive in the city but I’m worth it….and danced to some awesome tunes. We then met up with a friend of hers that was staying at the hotel. Talk about a magnificent view and beautiful suites. I felt like modern royalty in there.

After the high priced shot and the visit to the royal boudoir, we walked to a line- up that looked like good times. Not knowing the place, we inquired about it and was told that it was not associated with the Thompson, but they give guests special privileges just the same. Awesome…so past the line and down the stairs into 1812 we went. 

http://www.thompsonhotels.com/hotels/toronto/thompson-toronto/organize-a-gathering/1812-lounge

What an awesome time! Great music alongside a well-dressed and fun crowd. There was one guy with really bad BO who kept trying to dance with me but that was snipped in the bud. Nothing more unattractive than bad BO and misguided persistence. 

This brings me to the art of the pick-up. Yes the art. It is a practice that requires some version of finesse and a plan..along with a back-up plan. Think about it like a mission on The Unit or well laid plan from JR on Dallas. It is an art and to be successful you must think of it in this way.

Just flirting does not get you nookie. Heck, it all starts before you even go out. I like to summarize things in phases.  So for those of you that are artistically inclined here are some ideas that you can run with:

Phase One: Planning

You gotta know where you want to go and what type of crowd you want to be in

This requires finding out in advanced where you want to go or at least having a mindset of the crowd you want find your afterhours entertainment

Then you gotta dress the part –ya ya I know as someone with a background sexual sociopsychology I should be encouraging people to present their true selves and not change to fit in…BULLSHIT..this is picking up…as I said it is an art. If this were a performance or a recital you’d dress the part. It has nothing to do with being someone different- it has to do with being the best you. This might mean practising walking around in those high heels that you bought, but never had a place to wear. It might mean doing f’in laundry so you don’t stink like a bad episode. Could be making sure your long jacket is ready for your very short skirt (it is winter and I do still wear mini dresses, but long hooded coats are in so no worries). Whatever it means, just do it and remember your goal is to pick up….

Phase Two: Execution level 1

Ya now its starting to sound like a mission, eh?

This level is the initial stage of the pick up- it involves getting into whatever the pick up venue is and scoping out the scene.

Lavo bottle service

For me this is different depending on where I am. In Vegas it requires bottle service and scoping out the line when I strut past….and yes it is a strut. Not a clumpy walk or a foot drag, but a strut that shows off my legs and the two hot tats on the back of them. You can refer to this part as the catwalk. In Toronto it is the steps I take to scope out the line. Now I typically set up guestlist and my catwalk is from the cab to the doorman…same strut, even in winter.  Let’s look at this past Sat when we went to 1812. We sent the friend (the guy my friend met up with) to make sure we didn’t have to stand in line. We left our coats in the hotel room and he was nice enough to run over and ask if we could just come in. So we did. Still cold and jacketless- we strut.  When I hit up Brooklyn it is the same- get out the cab in front of the door, and wiggle on in to the venue (of course I really only go to places with a dancefloor and most of them have a line since dancefloors in this city are dying—so guestlist is necessary). 

Now this catwalk is a part of the pick-up. It is the advertising portion of the eve.  It is when you show your wears off to others so that you can have a pool of treats to pick from. This goes for both males and females. Once you’re in there is always a catwalk to the bar and a catwalk to the bathroom….and so on. It is your initial entrance and first exposure to others at the venue. It also allows you to see who is in and what they are like before you’ve dipped heavily into the intoxicants.

Phase three: Execution level 2

Now you have scoped out the club/bar/whatever and performed a great catwalk, or dancemove or just stood around. You gotta make some eye contact or start up a conversation with someone. This has to be strategic. A shitty pick up line will not work….something simple like “hey great music” is good for the shy ones….but it would be nice to open with something a little more conversation generating. For example, at the afterhours party the washroom line is always a good hub. It is unisex  and so what ever floats your boat is in a closed space for chatting….and everyone is chatty because it keeps you from thinking about peeing….plus, when you put it into perspective, its an afterhours and everyone is in a social mood.  In a regular setting just bumping into someone on a dancefloor can spark a chat—“wow this place is busy”..”so sorry I bumped into you, want a shot?”…and so on.

Phase four: Sealing the Deal

Phase three is short…or long…depending on how much you chat up the pick up. Sometimes there really is not conversation, just some rubbing on each other, eye contact and a kiss (or make out on the dancefloor). Phase four is actually taking this person home (or just getting their number) depending on what the goal of the mission is. I’ll be honest…my goal is always the nookie….sometimes the nookie and a number for follow up, but always the nookie. It’s the best relaxant and you can’t put that shit in a bottle….So I guess I can say that picking up for me is therapeutic. Yup..not slutting about…self-medicating (that will be another blog on defining ho-ing and sluttery).

Now this phase can take a pretty or ugly turn depending on the conversation. I call 2am last call for booty…because by 3am you have to be out and that gives you an hour to chat up someone if the person you were talking to has to go home (or is too drunk to perform).  In the end you need to seal the deal. This could be just asking for the person’s number and making plans for the next day (brunch anyone?) or it could be inviting them to the afterhours club or something else that is to happen within the next day. Now I say the next day because the pick up is something that has to be acted upon immediately. It is a time sensitive activity. That person might sober up and change their mind or realize that they are actually married and was just delighted to be hit on. At any rate you need to make the plans right away. If you’re getting the nookie then this is the time to leave together or plan the 6am meet up.

When it all goes wrong:

Let’s take stinky boy at 1812.

-did not put on clean items or spray with a little febreeze or use correct antiperspirant/deodorant

-his conversation was muddled and slurry and really just consisted of grabbing women and trying to dance on them

-he did not have a plan of action…there are always women willing and ready for any man. He needed to refine his phase 3 and find an appropriate target for the pickup…its an art remember, strategically placed activities over the course of the night.

So to summarize…plan a goal, dress for success and close the deal in a timely manner. That is the Art of the Pick-Up.